I Compare Myself to Other People Too Much.

This is a problem and I need to learn how to stop. There will always be people who are smarter than me and dumber than me. There will always be people who are thinner, fatter, whatever. I need to accept that.

My undergraduate education is done. I wish I could go back and do certain aspects of it over without a doubt. I would've taken my community college courses much more seriously and actually tried hard. Unfortunately, I was demotivated because I had no understanding of how this would all pay off for me or where it would take me, and a lot of my classes where there should have been an A there was a B, and a C rather than a B...and unfortunately farther down the line. I had to repeat a total of four classes (Chemistry, both levels of Math, and a Psychology course with a woman who has zero business teaching). Now, classes like Mathematic or Sciences are not my strongest suit. However, I had a few classes that I really could have gotten an A rather than a B if I had studied and put effort into it.

When I got to Longwood I turned it around. I never had to repeat a course, and the majority of my grades were A's and A-'s. Sometimes I wonder if I would've done better going there for the entire four years, but I don't really know for sure. I'm graduating with honors (measly POINTS from Magna Cum Laude) and I had three A's and two A-'s for my final semester. My first semester went well considering if was my first stint at university, more B's than A's but not bad, my second I only had one B, and unfortunately my third was a rough patch because of personal problems I was having, giving me grades ranging from A to C+. Do I wish I could redo that semester and push harder, or maybe drop classes? Yes. But I cannot do that now.

While my grades at CC weren't great, they weren't completely awful either. When I apply for graduate school (and maybe more) I can stress that I wasn't a motivated or confident student at the time. I struggled to find a direction that made sense, but once I began my literature courses at Longwood my mentality turned around, and I think based on my drastic change in performance that I've found a better sense of motivation, dedication and direction. If I can swing it, I may find a way to take French classes, and if I excel in a language and prove I'm capable then I could make my case better. Plus, if I do well with the GRE then I could really show I'm able. When I was at Longwood I was inducted into Sigma Alpha Pi, and honors society that recognizes leadership potential in students, and faculty members selects the students. I have massive moves of redemption in my favor. I just have keep them in mind, and take the ones for me to reach.

If I rock my MA, I could really give myself an edge.

I actually almost feel better after typing this out. I just have to keep it together. I can't be perfect, and I can redo the stupid things I did as a kid. I've just got to stop being a bastard to myself, and to just push for all that it's worth. I won't wind up in the Ivy League, but I'll get somewhere.