I haven't posted in a long, long time. For personal reasons I care not to divulge, I have been MIA. But something has been on my mind a bit lately that's irritating and I felt the need to type about it.
I think it's great to encourage girls and women not to feel obligated to look a certain way. You don't have to wear makeup or fashionable clothing or have a skinny body in order to be a physically attractive person. Popular culture makes people think these ideals are what's right, and they're unfair, unrealistic expectations because a very small percentage of the populace looks like an underwear model (hell, even the Victoria's Secret models probably don't look that amazing once the makeup is off and the airbrushing is undone). However, annoyingly enough, no one can win! If you deny what is mainstream, some see you as authentic, and above it all, while others will find something negative about you lack of conformity. Then if you do wear makeup, or have the proposed "perfect" body, people will fawn over your beauty or ostracize you for it and assume you're vapid and narcissistic.
We just cannot let other people be.
I find it really annoying how looks/brains are mutually exclusive in people's minds. Sorry, but just because I wear dresses and makeup it doesn't mean that I'm lacking intelligence. My mother's mom wore makeup. My mom wears it. My older sister is a makeup artist! I wear makeup but don't assume that because I work some black liquid liner and red lips that I will not school you on Oscar Wilde's Soul of Man Under Socialism possibly give you verbal whiplash in the process. In the same vein, I know many women, be it my friends, family, or college professors who don't care for makeup. Some of them are really smart, others aren't, and many are beautiful all the same.
I don't really understand why we consider women brave who post a picture of themselves without makeup. It's still them, and why is it shocking to anyone that a woman can look great without it? You don't wear makeup. So what? I wear makeup. Yet again, so what?
There's nothing wrong with putting your best self forward, regardless of what you think that is. If it involves makeup and hair dye, super. If it doesn't, that's fine too. I'm tired of this idea that you should only focus on your personality and mind. Don't get me wrong, you should WANT to be smart and well rounded. But why do we assume that intelligence and personality are in an opposing binary to physical looks?
For me, personally, I like to strive for a balance of both because I feel more confident as a person. If I take the time to put on clothes I like, do my makeup, exercise, etc, I feel better. I'm not going to act like I am not insecure, and that I like makeup because it helps me to hide acne, eye luggage, and acne scars. However, I like to read. I enjoyed researching papers in undergrad--smart people stuff I suppose. I enjoy the occasional uppity foreign film, whatever. Oh yeah, and then I turn around and laugh at/make a joke about bodily fluids. If I ever have a daughter, I will absolutely encourage her to take care of herself in mind, body, and soul. If she'd like a lesson in liquid eyeliner, I'll surely help her but she'll know (of course) that she doesn't have to wear it if she doesn't want it. And, naturally, her ability to dress nicely will not impact her ability to analyze Macbeth or to ace Calculus, or to just have a personality and be a well-cultivated individual--which is, yet again an objective concept.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Friday, April 4, 2014
When it's Time to Call it Quits.
I don't know why I'm thinking about this right now, on a Friday night while I'm at home watching Frozen with my dog instead of out being a twenty-something with reckless abandon. I guess, in part, this has to do with the fact that I've never been reckless.
I think it's important to have friends. It's great to have people you can talk to, that are there for you, and that you can just have fun and grow up with. However, you don't keep all of the friends you make. I mean, think about the people you spent the most time with four years ago? Your elementary school friends? Junior high? High school? The beginning of college? The end of college? etc.
It's normal for people to drift away from each other, and it's not always because something bad happens! Sometimes people just change, or they don't need each other anymore. It happens and it's not because of anything malicious. I have friends I haven't seen in years, and friends I see infrequently, but when we do, we've hug and we're happy to see each other and to hear that one another's doing well.
Then you have the ones that are uglier. I distinctly remember a friend I'd had all through elementary school (first to fifth grade) who acted like I didn't exist by the end of sixth grade (when we went to middle school). I experienced several friends move on from me for their "cooler" social groups and it absolutely hurt. I remember seeing one of those girls a few years ago, and she walked past me as if I was a complete stranger. At the time it was sad, but now, as a 24 year old, I've moved on and made better friends. Also, I know how middle schoolers are completely vicious, and I'm not going to act like there weren't people I would sometimes not talk to because of that "mean girl" thing we all succumb to at some point in our teenage years.
You meet people it's clear you need to get away from because they aren't good friends. Be it because they lie to you, make you feel badly, bully you, pressure you, or just in general disrespect you as their friend. But sometimes it's hard to tell. I sometimes struggle with this. Do I keep someone around even though I've known them for a long time, yet sometimes they treat me poorly? I mean, we're all human. It happens. We all have bad days/phases. Is the time to call it quits really so black and white?
I like to think I try to be a good friend. I'm not perfect, and I wouldn't claim to be. I have moodiness, I have a strong preference for being right, and my insecurities sometimes make me feel afraid to talk to my friends or ask anything of them because I'm afraid of being annoying or a burden. However, I like to think my friends know I care about them. I hope they do...and if any of you are reading this: Hi. I care about you!
Something that really discourages me from people is when I feel like I'm the only one putting effort into it. Like any relationship, it should be a two way street, and it hurts like hell to be the person who cares more. And that's how I feel about a friendship I have now. I feel like I'm at their mercy and if I want to talk to them I have to talk first and maybe I'll get a text message response with one word in it. Then there will be times this friend will text me something random. I don't know. We don't talk on the phone or over Skype. We barely communicate on Facebook...actually we don't anymore. I used to at least get that. We aren't a lot of distance between one another, yet we never see each other. Nothing.
I feel odd typing this up on here, but it's been on my mind a bit lately. It's just really hard feeling like you're the only one trying to keep a friendship vital, and that you are the one who gives every damn to be given. It is just plain sad. I don't think friendships are suppose to make you feel bad or upset. Or neglected. One thing I've learned is that just because you've known someone for a long time it doesn't necessarily equate to a good relationship. I've made friends in the last few years who are amazing, supportive, and all around wonderful people that you'd think I've known forever. I also have friends I've kept for more than a decade who are fantastic. I'm definitely learning that longevity is not necessarily healthy or a good thing. You can have something for a long time you need to maybe consider moving on from.
Right now, I'm in a great place. I have friends/family and people around me who support my ambitions and want to see me do well and be happy. Hopefully, I'll be getting my MA this fall and I'll be on track to where I want to be. I'm getting better at driving. I've gotten a little more confident in myself be it for my own intellectual capabilities, as well as with my own appearance. I've done it without people I used to think I needed.
I think it's important to have friends. It's great to have people you can talk to, that are there for you, and that you can just have fun and grow up with. However, you don't keep all of the friends you make. I mean, think about the people you spent the most time with four years ago? Your elementary school friends? Junior high? High school? The beginning of college? The end of college? etc.
It's normal for people to drift away from each other, and it's not always because something bad happens! Sometimes people just change, or they don't need each other anymore. It happens and it's not because of anything malicious. I have friends I haven't seen in years, and friends I see infrequently, but when we do, we've hug and we're happy to see each other and to hear that one another's doing well.
Then you have the ones that are uglier. I distinctly remember a friend I'd had all through elementary school (first to fifth grade) who acted like I didn't exist by the end of sixth grade (when we went to middle school). I experienced several friends move on from me for their "cooler" social groups and it absolutely hurt. I remember seeing one of those girls a few years ago, and she walked past me as if I was a complete stranger. At the time it was sad, but now, as a 24 year old, I've moved on and made better friends. Also, I know how middle schoolers are completely vicious, and I'm not going to act like there weren't people I would sometimes not talk to because of that "mean girl" thing we all succumb to at some point in our teenage years.
You meet people it's clear you need to get away from because they aren't good friends. Be it because they lie to you, make you feel badly, bully you, pressure you, or just in general disrespect you as their friend. But sometimes it's hard to tell. I sometimes struggle with this. Do I keep someone around even though I've known them for a long time, yet sometimes they treat me poorly? I mean, we're all human. It happens. We all have bad days/phases. Is the time to call it quits really so black and white?
I like to think I try to be a good friend. I'm not perfect, and I wouldn't claim to be. I have moodiness, I have a strong preference for being right, and my insecurities sometimes make me feel afraid to talk to my friends or ask anything of them because I'm afraid of being annoying or a burden. However, I like to think my friends know I care about them. I hope they do...and if any of you are reading this: Hi. I care about you!
Something that really discourages me from people is when I feel like I'm the only one putting effort into it. Like any relationship, it should be a two way street, and it hurts like hell to be the person who cares more. And that's how I feel about a friendship I have now. I feel like I'm at their mercy and if I want to talk to them I have to talk first and maybe I'll get a text message response with one word in it. Then there will be times this friend will text me something random. I don't know. We don't talk on the phone or over Skype. We barely communicate on Facebook...actually we don't anymore. I used to at least get that. We aren't a lot of distance between one another, yet we never see each other. Nothing.
I feel odd typing this up on here, but it's been on my mind a bit lately. It's just really hard feeling like you're the only one trying to keep a friendship vital, and that you are the one who gives every damn to be given. It is just plain sad. I don't think friendships are suppose to make you feel bad or upset. Or neglected. One thing I've learned is that just because you've known someone for a long time it doesn't necessarily equate to a good relationship. I've made friends in the last few years who are amazing, supportive, and all around wonderful people that you'd think I've known forever. I also have friends I've kept for more than a decade who are fantastic. I'm definitely learning that longevity is not necessarily healthy or a good thing. You can have something for a long time you need to maybe consider moving on from.
Right now, I'm in a great place. I have friends/family and people around me who support my ambitions and want to see me do well and be happy. Hopefully, I'll be getting my MA this fall and I'll be on track to where I want to be. I'm getting better at driving. I've gotten a little more confident in myself be it for my own intellectual capabilities, as well as with my own appearance. I've done it without people I used to think I needed.
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