I'm Sick of All of the Anti-Makeup Stuff On the Internet

I haven't posted in a long, long time. For personal reasons I care not to divulge, I have been MIA. But something has been on my mind a bit lately that's irritating and I felt the need to type about it.

I think it's great to encourage girls and women not to feel obligated to look a certain way. You don't have to wear makeup or fashionable clothing or have a skinny body in order to be a physically attractive person. Popular culture makes people think these ideals are what's right, and they're unfair, unrealistic expectations because a very small percentage of the populace looks like an underwear model (hell, even the Victoria's Secret models probably don't look that amazing once the makeup is off and the airbrushing is undone). However, annoyingly enough, no one can win! If you deny what is mainstream, some see you as authentic, and above it all, while others will find something negative about you lack of conformity. Then if you do wear makeup, or have the proposed "perfect" body, people will fawn over your beauty or ostracize you for it and assume you're vapid and narcissistic.

We just cannot let other people be.

I find it really annoying how looks/brains are mutually exclusive in people's minds. Sorry, but just because I wear dresses and makeup it doesn't mean that I'm lacking intelligence. My mother's mom wore makeup. My mom wears it. My older sister is a makeup artist! I wear makeup but don't assume that because I work some black liquid liner and red lips that I will not school you on Oscar Wilde's Soul of Man Under Socialism possibly give you verbal whiplash in the process. In the same vein, I know many women, be it my friends, family, or college professors who don't care for makeup. Some of them are really smart, others aren't, and many are beautiful all the same.

I don't really understand why we consider women brave who post a picture of themselves without makeup. It's still them, and why is it shocking to anyone that a woman can look great without it? You don't wear makeup. So what? I wear makeup. Yet again, so what?

There's nothing wrong with putting your best self forward, regardless of what you think that is. If it involves makeup and hair dye, super. If it doesn't, that's fine too. I'm tired of this idea that you should only focus on your personality and mind. Don't get me wrong, you should WANT to be smart and well rounded. But why do we assume that intelligence and personality are in an opposing binary to physical looks?

For me, personally, I like to strive for a balance of both because I feel more confident as a person. If I take the time to put on clothes I like, do my makeup, exercise, etc, I feel better. I'm not going to act like I am not insecure, and that I like makeup because it helps me to hide acne, eye luggage, and acne scars. However, I like to read. I enjoyed researching papers in undergrad--smart people stuff I suppose. I enjoy the occasional uppity foreign film, whatever. Oh yeah, and then I turn around and laugh at/make a joke about bodily fluids. If I ever have a daughter, I will absolutely encourage her to take care of herself in mind, body, and soul. If she'd like a lesson in liquid eyeliner, I'll surely help her but she'll know (of course) that she doesn't have to wear it if she doesn't want it. And, naturally, her ability to dress nicely will not impact her ability to analyze Macbeth or to ace Calculus, or to just have a personality and be a well-cultivated individual--which is, yet again an objective concept.

When it's Time to Call it Quits.

I don't know why I'm thinking about this right now, on a Friday night while I'm at home watching Frozen with my dog instead of out being a twenty-something with reckless abandon. I guess, in part, this has to do with the fact that I've never been reckless.

I think it's important to have friends. It's great to have people you can talk to, that are there for you, and that you can just have fun and grow up with. However, you don't keep all of the friends you make. I mean, think about the people you spent the most time with four years ago? Your elementary school friends? Junior high? High school? The beginning of college? The end of college? etc.

It's normal for people to drift away from each other, and it's not always because something bad happens! Sometimes people just change, or they don't need each other anymore. It happens and it's not because of anything malicious. I have friends I haven't seen in years, and friends I see infrequently, but when we do, we've hug and we're happy to see each other and to hear that one another's doing well.

Then you have the ones that are uglier. I distinctly remember a friend I'd had all through elementary school (first to fifth grade) who acted like I didn't exist by the end of sixth grade (when we went to middle school). I experienced several friends move on from me for their "cooler" social groups and it absolutely hurt. I remember seeing one of those girls a few years ago, and she walked past me as if I was a complete stranger. At the time it was sad, but now, as a 24 year old, I've moved on and made better friends. Also, I know how middle schoolers are completely vicious, and I'm not going to act like there weren't people I would sometimes not talk to because of that "mean girl" thing we all succumb to at some point in our teenage years.

You meet people it's clear you need to get away from because they aren't good friends. Be it because they lie to you, make you feel badly, bully you, pressure you, or just in general disrespect you as their friend. But sometimes it's hard to tell. I sometimes struggle with this. Do I keep someone around even though I've known them for a long time, yet sometimes they treat me poorly? I mean, we're all human. It happens. We all have bad days/phases. Is the time to call it quits really so black and white?

I like to think I try to be a good friend. I'm not perfect, and I wouldn't claim to be. I have moodiness, I have a strong preference for being right, and my insecurities sometimes make me feel afraid to talk to my friends or ask anything of them because I'm afraid of being annoying or a burden. However, I like to think my friends know I care about them. I hope they do...and if any of you are reading this: Hi. I care about you!

Something that really discourages me from people is when I feel like I'm the only one putting effort into it. Like any relationship, it should be a two way street, and it hurts like hell to be the person who cares more. And that's how I feel about a friendship I have now. I feel like I'm at their mercy and if I want to talk to them I have to talk first and maybe I'll get a text message response with one word in it. Then there will be times this friend will text me something random. I don't know. We don't talk on the phone or over Skype. We barely communicate on Facebook...actually we don't anymore. I used to at least get that. We aren't a lot of distance between one another, yet we never see each other. Nothing.

I feel odd typing this up on here, but it's been on my mind a bit lately. It's just really hard feeling like you're the only one trying to keep a friendship vital, and that you are the one who gives every damn to be given. It is just plain sad. I don't think friendships are suppose to make you feel bad or upset. Or neglected. One thing I've learned is that just because you've known someone for a long time it doesn't necessarily equate to a good relationship. I've made friends in the last few years who are amazing, supportive, and all around wonderful people that you'd think I've known forever. I also have friends I've kept for more than a decade who are fantastic. I'm definitely learning that longevity is not necessarily healthy or a good thing. You can have something for a long time you need to maybe consider moving on from.

Right now, I'm in a great place. I have friends/family and people around me who support my ambitions and want to see me do well and be happy. Hopefully, I'll be getting my MA this fall and I'll be on track to where I want to be. I'm getting better at driving. I've gotten a little more confident in myself be it for my own intellectual capabilities, as well as with my own appearance. I've done it without people I used to think I needed.

"Real" Job.

I haven't been good about posting lately. I've been busy and sleepy. And I also started this blog while unemployed, which brings me to my post of the evening!

I just saw someone on Facebook refer to girls working in a retail store as lacking a "real job." Does it pay you? Do you do things? Then it's a damn job!

Regardless of the amount of hours or pay you make, a job is a job, and frankly any person who shows contempt for a person working in a clothing store, in a restaurant, or any other low-wage customer service job is just exposing their own ignorance. Regardless of the perception of those jobs, they are hard. I know a slew of different aged people working these jobs, and they aren't just kiddie, teeny boppers. I've worked with teenagers and grown women with families. It's not just standing around bullshitting. You've got to know all of merchandise, the sales, how to run the registers, all of the store's policies, the sizing (if you work in a clothing store) etc. It's not just sitting around gossiping. I've had customers who are engaging and fun, as well as customers who are completely disrespectful and thankless but no matter what I'm met with I still have to be composed, respectful, and patient. I do this for eight hours a day.

I'm not saying this to render sympathy. It's the job I have and I do it (as it wasn't easy to find a full-time gig out of college). However, it's not any less of a job than your 9-5. Our management works full-time, sometimes more. Do not treat someone like less of a human, void of a "real job" just because they haven't gotten a full time position yet.

PS: It's not ideal for us when the store closes at nine and you roll up at 8:55pm. Most of us will have composure and help you regardless of when you arrive. However, there will be times when you encounter someone crabby because they're human! We don't live in the store, and we cannot begin to close our stores until you're out. Is it okay for an associate to show attitude? Not at all. But if you were in that circumstance, having worked all day or maybe just gotten out of a full day at high school or university...how would you feel? You can't say you wouldn't be exhausted.

This is why I think everyone needs to work a job like that. Also, if you're suddenly uppity because you've transcended and gotten a full-time job, you need to get over it. As a person who has been there, you should know how to be conscientious.

Smarty Pants.

This may come as a surprise, but maybe not, that I've never really considered myself smart. I was always decently smart in grade school, probably above average, but I wasn't the genius or the idiot. In the typical youngest child point of view, I thought my sister was the smart and pretty one. Everyone said she was so smart and pretty; I always felt like I was just kind of there. This is attributed to my own self-esteem issues rather than other people, and I don't blame other people (It's not my sister's fault she's smart and a pretty person). I was so demotivated my last half of high school, as well as during a decent chunk of community college.

So here I am now, at 24, and suddenly I'm told I'm smart and considered a smart person. I was talking to my professor yesterday, and I told her I've thought about getting a PhD, and I'd love to go for it, but there's a part of me that isn't sure and I don't know if that's common sense or low self-esteem. There's no doubt you've got to have the smarts to get one, as well as the tenacity. Plus, it's a risky move because the job market's a bitch (in fairness, I don't know of a marker that wouldn't be. There are more PhD's because more people go to college these days than ever. The Business degree will likely become as criticized as humanities someday because as it is considered the "good" major to get because it's economical there are now more people getting it, thus increasing competition). My professor told if I want to go for it then do it, and not to let anyone discourage me from the direction I want to go for. Also, that I am smart, and it shows now that I've begun to care about my work and push my intelligence.

It's still strange to own it. I don't walk around thinking that I'm so smart. Transitioning from not feeling intelligent to having people tell me often, be it friends or family, or my professors (some of the most intelligent people I've encountered) say I'm intelligent is a stranger compliment for me than being told I'm pretty. I don't do the whole arguing the compliment nonsense, and I attempt to be gracious and take it, but it still surprises me to hear "You're really smart," "You're a good writer," etc etc. It brightens my day hearing that, even if I'm still working on owning it.

Reasons to Exercise Apart from Weight Loss

1. It decreases anxiety and depression. As someone who struggles with both, this is huge. You can take all of the medication you want, but medicine isn't a magical pill that solves every issue you'll ever have, and sometimes medication can make things worse. I am not anti-psychiatric medication, as someone who benefits from it, but my point is that it will not solve everything.

2. You don't have to look nice. Seriously, you can take a walk or a run in your pajamas and it's more practical than a face of makeup and slacks. Or high heels. When as was a teenager, I remember popping right out of bed in my pjs and hopping on the elliptical. Not gonna lie, I still do this sometimes, or if I'm especially lazy I'll sleep in sweat pants so that all I have to do is put my hair in a bun, put on a sport's bra, grab my sneakers, and run.

3. You can do it while watching TV. I feel a lot less bad about watching six hours of RuPaul's Drag Race if I spend some of that time viewing it while walking on the treadmill or doing sit ups through commercial breaks.

4. It's a good time to catch up on music. Whenever I have new music to listen to, I bring it to the treadmill and the time flies.

5. You can read. Okay, personally, I don't know how people do this, but some people have figured it out, so it is a thing.

6. No one will bother you. Kind of like doing yard work, no one really wants to talk to you if you're exercising because they'll be afraid that you'll ask them to join in.

7. You just feel better. Who doesn't want to feel better? Be it because you don't feel fat, or endorphins, it's a nice feeling to not feel icky.

8. Energy drinks. Yep, I'm going there. But working out is MORE than a valid reason for the magic that is Red Bull.

Random

I haven't posted in a while. Woops, blog neglect!

I haven't had anything on my mind really that I felt inclined to write about...okay, that isn't true. Of course there have been happenings, but not all things belong on a public forum. Okay, so just a little crash course in random:

1. I thoroughly enjoy when people who are all "whaaaa I'm a non-conformist, you shan't judge me" are profoundly judgmental themselves. Personally, I believe it is human nature to have preconceived ideas about certain people or things just because we cannot help it due to the values we have, the way we are raised, etc. Anyone who says they've never judged someone is a liar. However, it's obnoxious when people write up ridiculous Facebook posts placing judgment on other people for one reason or another. Seriously, get over yourself. If you asked the subject of your ridicule, they probably don't like you either and think your haircut is stupid.

2. I hate snow. Snow can melt in hell. If claims of insanity spike in 2014, I fully attribute it to cabin fever due to snow. I've never really understood the appeal of living somewhere like Florida, but ya know, I get it now.

3. Billie Joe Armstrong (that guy from Green Day) and Norah Jones' Everly Brothers cover album, Foreverly, is actually pretty nice. I find Green Day annoying, but this is actually an intriguing duo worth listening to.

4. So the leader of the Westboro Baptists died. The reactions I've seen are quite interesting. For me, I can't imagine being happy that someone is dead, and I don't think his death will stop them unfortunately. I've read posts about people contemplating picketing his funeral, with would be a tremendous thing to do, because karma. However, I wonder what it would accomplish. These people are hateful and insane, but should we stoop to their level, really? Would it really create peace and/or understanding of those with different ideals than us? For me, I think fighting hateful people with hate is just going to create an even greater divide. I understand the anger, because these people (and others like them) have certainly engendered anger in me, but coming at someone who disagrees with you like a striking viper just doesn't seem like a way to create understanding. I don't condone people like them at all, but just some food for thought...

The "Dress" Secret

Those who know me know I wear a dress a good 96% of the time. Well, even people who don't really know me can figure this out if their eyeballs work. I think the reactions people give me are pretty funny. Usually people say things like "You're always so dressed up" or "Aren't you uncomfortable?" Believe it or not, I don't find my dresses lacking comfort, and I don't qualify myself as being "dressed up" unless the occasion I'm dressing for involves heels and possibly toned down makeup (as in, no red lips, or a less bright of a red).

There's this dress...

 

This dress...

 

(This is from my first semester a uni. A modified version of my closet, but I can spot at least fifteen of my dresses here).

 

You get the point. I own a lot of dresses. If I were to count how many I have, I've probably go over fifty. The thing is I actually wear them all. Also, I feel more comfortable. I don't wear some dress made of fabric that doesn't stretch or breathe every day, and most of mine are made of comfy fabrics. But I'm going to let you in on my dress secret: wearing dresses takes less time! When I get ready in the morning, or whenever, I do my hair and makeup, and then I pick out my clothing for the day. When you have a dress all you need is a pair of shoes and you're set (maybe tights depending on weather). It's takes me a lot less time. I find jeans generally uncomfortable because I don't like the way they dig into your gut. Also, if some pants give you the muffin top, you have to find the right shirt to hide it. Not all shirts go with all trousers. Dresses, on the other hand, you get your top and bottom covered, and all you need is a pair of shoes and BOOM outfit.

 

And everyone thinks you're classy and a dressed up fabulous human being. You're welcome.

 

PS To those who are curious, all of the dresses pictured I have found on ModCloth throughout the years. However, you don't need to buy a dress that is more than your monthly student loans to look like a fancy pants...dig around and you do find nifty deals on their site.