I had my first day back at the store I work at today, and it was exhausting and long. However, I did enjoy it a bit! It was nice getting dressed, putting on makeup, and getting up. Standing for 7-8 hours a day is tiresome, but I'd rather a job that involves standing than sitting all day. While it's not what I was hoping for, being retail and it isn't full time, I am glad I was about to come back. Any money is better than none, and if I get hours like I'll have next week, I could save a nice little bit of money if I save my pennies. Wearing all black is a bit sad after awhile, but at least it will hopefully keep me in check in regards to spending my money. If I can't wear it to work, I won't be able to wear it too much unless I get a second job that doesn't require a color dress code, days off if I go somewhere, or until I hopefully begin graduate school again. I'm definitely going to keep applying to maybe get a second gig going. I want to just dedicate this time to making as much money as I can. Ideally, upon getting readmitted to grad school and getting the fellowship, I would like to still try and pay my loans (since they will be pretty low monthly payments, and my rent at my potential location will be quite low).
I do actually enjoy the job because it keeps me on my toes, and I really like what we sell. The clothes, a bit pricy at times, but they are nice, and grown up. I sometimes will find clothing in juniors stores, but at 24 I think I am a bit too old for places like Charlotte Russe and Forever 21. I own things from these places, but some of the things they sell are so obviously meant for a teenager and really short. I am not a fan of a mini-mini skirt at all. This place is classy, grown up, versatile, and even better, the portions are understanding of the female form. I also like the people I work with. There was a rough patch when I worked there last summer, but now that it's been handled, I think being back will hopefully be nothing but positive.
And no, I will not disclose where I work for privacy reasons.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Friday, February 14, 2014
I Am SO Happy For Ellen Page.
I have been a fan of Ellen Page ever since Juno. I don't know how anyone couldn't have loved her in that film, and because of how great she was I went on to see her in various other roles. Still great. The big news about her today is that she's come out as a lesbian, and I am SO happy for her. She presented this wonderful speech, which every single person should watch:
There is so much about this speech that I think every single person can resonate with regardless of your sexuality. I do not think anyone should have to live a life of fear because of one aspect of who they are. I am generally a person who tries to understand both sides of the coin when it comes to social or political issues, but equals rights for the LGBTQ is an issue I cannot see an alternative to in any way, shape, or form. The earnestness of her voice could not be more convincing, and if I were someone who needed it, I'd be sold. People should not have to hide who they are to avoid being abused by society. Can you imagine living with something that is a part of who you are that you're afraid to reveal because by doing so you could put everything from your career to personal safety in jeporady? Living with a huge secret can make you sick. The way she describes the torment that millions of people live with on a daily basis is heartbreaking.
I've seen gossip blogs questions her sexuality ever since she emerged onto the radar. She always brushed off the questions on the grounds that it is nobody's business. I couldn't agree more. I don't think it is the business of anyone who we love and feel attracted to. No one should feel pressured to share that, but they also should not feel ashamed if they want to. I applaud her fully.
There is so much about this speech that I think every single person can resonate with regardless of your sexuality. I do not think anyone should have to live a life of fear because of one aspect of who they are. I am generally a person who tries to understand both sides of the coin when it comes to social or political issues, but equals rights for the LGBTQ is an issue I cannot see an alternative to in any way, shape, or form. The earnestness of her voice could not be more convincing, and if I were someone who needed it, I'd be sold. People should not have to hide who they are to avoid being abused by society. Can you imagine living with something that is a part of who you are that you're afraid to reveal because by doing so you could put everything from your career to personal safety in jeporady? Living with a huge secret can make you sick. The way she describes the torment that millions of people live with on a daily basis is heartbreaking.
I've seen gossip blogs questions her sexuality ever since she emerged onto the radar. She always brushed off the questions on the grounds that it is nobody's business. I couldn't agree more. I don't think it is the business of anyone who we love and feel attracted to. No one should feel pressured to share that, but they also should not feel ashamed if they want to. I applaud her fully.
I Don't Care About Valentine's Day
I do not say this with bitterness or envy; I don't care about Valentine's Day. I'm really quite aloof to it. It's just another day that I wear red lipstick (I wearing it daily). One perk is that I can eat a lot of chocolate and nobody gives me lip for it, but that's really all I've got. I do not feel sad or lonely because I'm single. I don't resent my friends who are married, engaged, dating, etc. who are posting about their Valentine. Well, I may a wee bit because I'm quite unlucky when it comes to love, and I have the obnoxious habit of falling for people I can't have, and oftentimes the guys who are interested in me I want nothing to do with romantically. My most recent interest is an Eponine 101 scenario. I fell for him, but he has no idea (and never will because it's unhealthy).
Anyways, the holiday is really not important to me. Would I like to have a relationship? Yes. However, I don't think the time is right. Apart from no one tangible being about (and the tangible aren't people I want. Seriously, enough with the drunken late night Facebook messages guys) I just don't think the time is right. I just finished university, and I'm in the post-uni shuffle of trying to get a job. Hopefully I'll be going to graduate school this August. If someone came along then I wouldn't be closed off to them because of my life hopefully being a bit busy and crazy. However, I just don't think it's right for now.
Also, I'm not going to act like I choose singledom. It's a chronic condition. I've always had questionable amounts of confidence, and I am much more introverted than a lot of people realize. I can talk in class, to customers, or post funny, sharp things online that would insinuate that I'm not a shy person. However, I have a tendency to be really quiet and shy, especially if I'm nervous. One of the reasons I'm able to talk in class, little known fact, is because I'll write down what I want to say so that I don't ramble or forget. If someone were to take my pulse while talking in class, or to a customer at work, you'd think I just popped off the treadmill. This nervousness goes into guys. The minute I decide I like someone I get a little shy with them, and probably sabotage myself in that respect.
I don't sit around moping about Valentine's Day or dreading the day when it comes. I'm indifferent. I'm actually more depressed if I don't have plans for Halloween. I remember hating it, and finding Valentine's to be the worst day ever as a teenager because you'd have couples bringing each other gifts while you sit there by yourself. In junior high, you could buy carnations for your friends/the person you liked and they would pass them out during the gym period. I remember it being profoundly depressing for me as an thirteen year old, sitting there watching friends of mine get tons of flowers while I had a grand total of zero. Around the same time that year, my grandmother passed away, and I had been in the shuffle of her wake, funeral, and burial. That was a justifiably depressing Valentine's Day.
I still think it's rather silly to be so annoyed by it. I'd rather meet someone who treats me special all year round than the heart-shaped boxes holiday. There are worse things on earth than not having a date or significant other for Valentine's Day.
Anyways, the holiday is really not important to me. Would I like to have a relationship? Yes. However, I don't think the time is right. Apart from no one tangible being about (and the tangible aren't people I want. Seriously, enough with the drunken late night Facebook messages guys) I just don't think the time is right. I just finished university, and I'm in the post-uni shuffle of trying to get a job. Hopefully I'll be going to graduate school this August. If someone came along then I wouldn't be closed off to them because of my life hopefully being a bit busy and crazy. However, I just don't think it's right for now.
Also, I'm not going to act like I choose singledom. It's a chronic condition. I've always had questionable amounts of confidence, and I am much more introverted than a lot of people realize. I can talk in class, to customers, or post funny, sharp things online that would insinuate that I'm not a shy person. However, I have a tendency to be really quiet and shy, especially if I'm nervous. One of the reasons I'm able to talk in class, little known fact, is because I'll write down what I want to say so that I don't ramble or forget. If someone were to take my pulse while talking in class, or to a customer at work, you'd think I just popped off the treadmill. This nervousness goes into guys. The minute I decide I like someone I get a little shy with them, and probably sabotage myself in that respect.
I don't sit around moping about Valentine's Day or dreading the day when it comes. I'm indifferent. I'm actually more depressed if I don't have plans for Halloween. I remember hating it, and finding Valentine's to be the worst day ever as a teenager because you'd have couples bringing each other gifts while you sit there by yourself. In junior high, you could buy carnations for your friends/the person you liked and they would pass them out during the gym period. I remember it being profoundly depressing for me as an thirteen year old, sitting there watching friends of mine get tons of flowers while I had a grand total of zero. Around the same time that year, my grandmother passed away, and I had been in the shuffle of her wake, funeral, and burial. That was a justifiably depressing Valentine's Day.
I still think it's rather silly to be so annoyed by it. I'd rather meet someone who treats me special all year round than the heart-shaped boxes holiday. There are worse things on earth than not having a date or significant other for Valentine's Day.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
I Compare Myself to Other People Too Much.
This is a problem and I need to learn how to stop. There will always be people who are smarter than me and dumber than me. There will always be people who are thinner, fatter, whatever. I need to accept that.
My undergraduate education is done. I wish I could go back and do certain aspects of it over without a doubt. I would've taken my community college courses much more seriously and actually tried hard. Unfortunately, I was demotivated because I had no understanding of how this would all pay off for me or where it would take me, and a lot of my classes where there should have been an A there was a B, and a C rather than a B...and unfortunately farther down the line. I had to repeat a total of four classes (Chemistry, both levels of Math, and a Psychology course with a woman who has zero business teaching). Now, classes like Mathematic or Sciences are not my strongest suit. However, I had a few classes that I really could have gotten an A rather than a B if I had studied and put effort into it.
When I got to Longwood I turned it around. I never had to repeat a course, and the majority of my grades were A's and A-'s. Sometimes I wonder if I would've done better going there for the entire four years, but I don't really know for sure. I'm graduating with honors (measly POINTS from Magna Cum Laude) and I had three A's and two A-'s for my final semester. My first semester went well considering if was my first stint at university, more B's than A's but not bad, my second I only had one B, and unfortunately my third was a rough patch because of personal problems I was having, giving me grades ranging from A to C+. Do I wish I could redo that semester and push harder, or maybe drop classes? Yes. But I cannot do that now.
While my grades at CC weren't great, they weren't completely awful either. When I apply for graduate school (and maybe more) I can stress that I wasn't a motivated or confident student at the time. I struggled to find a direction that made sense, but once I began my literature courses at Longwood my mentality turned around, and I think based on my drastic change in performance that I've found a better sense of motivation, dedication and direction. If I can swing it, I may find a way to take French classes, and if I excel in a language and prove I'm capable then I could make my case better. Plus, if I do well with the GRE then I could really show I'm able. When I was at Longwood I was inducted into Sigma Alpha Pi, and honors society that recognizes leadership potential in students, and faculty members selects the students. I have massive moves of redemption in my favor. I just have keep them in mind, and take the ones for me to reach.
If I rock my MA, I could really give myself an edge.
I actually almost feel better after typing this out. I just have to keep it together. I can't be perfect, and I can redo the stupid things I did as a kid. I've just got to stop being a bastard to myself, and to just push for all that it's worth. I won't wind up in the Ivy League, but I'll get somewhere.
My undergraduate education is done. I wish I could go back and do certain aspects of it over without a doubt. I would've taken my community college courses much more seriously and actually tried hard. Unfortunately, I was demotivated because I had no understanding of how this would all pay off for me or where it would take me, and a lot of my classes where there should have been an A there was a B, and a C rather than a B...and unfortunately farther down the line. I had to repeat a total of four classes (Chemistry, both levels of Math, and a Psychology course with a woman who has zero business teaching). Now, classes like Mathematic or Sciences are not my strongest suit. However, I had a few classes that I really could have gotten an A rather than a B if I had studied and put effort into it.
When I got to Longwood I turned it around. I never had to repeat a course, and the majority of my grades were A's and A-'s. Sometimes I wonder if I would've done better going there for the entire four years, but I don't really know for sure. I'm graduating with honors (measly POINTS from Magna Cum Laude) and I had three A's and two A-'s for my final semester. My first semester went well considering if was my first stint at university, more B's than A's but not bad, my second I only had one B, and unfortunately my third was a rough patch because of personal problems I was having, giving me grades ranging from A to C+. Do I wish I could redo that semester and push harder, or maybe drop classes? Yes. But I cannot do that now.
While my grades at CC weren't great, they weren't completely awful either. When I apply for graduate school (and maybe more) I can stress that I wasn't a motivated or confident student at the time. I struggled to find a direction that made sense, but once I began my literature courses at Longwood my mentality turned around, and I think based on my drastic change in performance that I've found a better sense of motivation, dedication and direction. If I can swing it, I may find a way to take French classes, and if I excel in a language and prove I'm capable then I could make my case better. Plus, if I do well with the GRE then I could really show I'm able. When I was at Longwood I was inducted into Sigma Alpha Pi, and honors society that recognizes leadership potential in students, and faculty members selects the students. I have massive moves of redemption in my favor. I just have keep them in mind, and take the ones for me to reach.
If I rock my MA, I could really give myself an edge.
I actually almost feel better after typing this out. I just have to keep it together. I can't be perfect, and I can redo the stupid things I did as a kid. I've just got to stop being a bastard to myself, and to just push for all that it's worth. I won't wind up in the Ivy League, but I'll get somewhere.
Don't Rape.
A friend of mine on Facebook recently posted this article about rape, and why boys come into college thinking rape is funny. It's positively baffling to think of anyone finding rape or jokes about rape funny. I'm thinking about what could be funny about it, and I'm hearing crickets. Yes, sexually assaulting someone is hilarious. Raping someone, and damaging their ability to trust and go about their everyday life is stuff made for comedy. If you didn't understand that as sarcasm, you need to just get off my blog right now because clearly you're lost.
One of the things I immediately loved about my university was the fact that it is a pretty safe campus. It's a smaller university, and not in the middle of urban culture like a school in Richmond or Norfolk. Things absolutely happen, but it's not on a tremendous scale. Sometimes we have weekend reports of female students being assaulted or grabbed in the wee hours of morning. Usually the reports take place around the fraternity houses. I'm not saying fraternities are rapists, but they have parties. I've been to frat parties before and apart from the fact that it's just dirty and gross in those houses, there are drunk people everywhere. Guys and girls who can barely walk or formulate a sentence because they are so hammered. It's more disturbing than fun, really. Needless to say, my friend and I didn't stay long.
It's disturbing that that there are guys out there who see a drunk girl as an opportunity. It's disturbing that girls/women are taught not to walk alone after a certain time of day and not to dress in particular ways. I don't understand why it isn't common sense that if a woman says she doesn't want to have sex, or is too incapacitated to think clearly, then no is the answer. We life in a culture that tells girls and women to do particular things to avoid being assaulted but we never tells boys that rape is bad. It's a violation which often leads to physical and mental damage for the victim. So while the attacker gets that temporary gratification, the victim is stuck living with it for the rest of their lives.
I'm not thinking that anything I'm saying is really fresh or new. In fact, as I'm typing this it feels redundant. However, while it is common sense to me that rape is wrong, clearly not everyone's gotten the memo because rape happens. A lot. It would be awesome if it never happened, and should it occur, it is something so shocking it makes headline news because the thought of a woman at college, the bar, ANYWHERE, and dressed in ANY way, being raped is repulsive and horrifying.
It's also, like, illegal. So maybe think about that.
No one is asking for it. When I go to the bar and have a few drinks, I am not asking for it. When I show my cleavage or wear a tight skirt, I am not asking for it. When I wear red lipstick I am not asking for it. If I am opinionated and out-spoken I am not asking for it. If I'm shy, I am not asking for it. If I am walking alone, day or night, I am not asking for it. If I have had sex with multiple people in the past, I am not asking for it. If I am a virgin, I am not asking for it. The list goes on.
Unfortunately, rape culture is not just assault. It's also just the way women are treated. When I was nineteen, I remember walking through the mall on a break and I was wearing a particular pair of tights. Men stared at me, made comments, whistled, etc. I was not asking for that attention. A woman of any age cannot even walk through the mall, dressed as she wants to without being bothered? What's even scarier is that girls as young as thirteen (and younger) are objectified in this way.
I know this post is short, and I've not mention male rape. Yes, male rape happens, however I know more about female rape than male rape (and it occurs much more with females). It's just really disturbing that it's even an issue, and that it isn't taken more seriously within our culture considering the frequency of it. Universities and colleges don't want to go through with reports because they are afraid it will make them look bad, but wouldn't a cover up appear worse? If I went to a university known for trying to cover up these things rather than handling them I wouldn't feel safe, and I would probably transfer to another school.
One of the things I immediately loved about my university was the fact that it is a pretty safe campus. It's a smaller university, and not in the middle of urban culture like a school in Richmond or Norfolk. Things absolutely happen, but it's not on a tremendous scale. Sometimes we have weekend reports of female students being assaulted or grabbed in the wee hours of morning. Usually the reports take place around the fraternity houses. I'm not saying fraternities are rapists, but they have parties. I've been to frat parties before and apart from the fact that it's just dirty and gross in those houses, there are drunk people everywhere. Guys and girls who can barely walk or formulate a sentence because they are so hammered. It's more disturbing than fun, really. Needless to say, my friend and I didn't stay long.
It's disturbing that that there are guys out there who see a drunk girl as an opportunity. It's disturbing that girls/women are taught not to walk alone after a certain time of day and not to dress in particular ways. I don't understand why it isn't common sense that if a woman says she doesn't want to have sex, or is too incapacitated to think clearly, then no is the answer. We life in a culture that tells girls and women to do particular things to avoid being assaulted but we never tells boys that rape is bad. It's a violation which often leads to physical and mental damage for the victim. So while the attacker gets that temporary gratification, the victim is stuck living with it for the rest of their lives.
I'm not thinking that anything I'm saying is really fresh or new. In fact, as I'm typing this it feels redundant. However, while it is common sense to me that rape is wrong, clearly not everyone's gotten the memo because rape happens. A lot. It would be awesome if it never happened, and should it occur, it is something so shocking it makes headline news because the thought of a woman at college, the bar, ANYWHERE, and dressed in ANY way, being raped is repulsive and horrifying.
It's also, like, illegal. So maybe think about that.
No one is asking for it. When I go to the bar and have a few drinks, I am not asking for it. When I show my cleavage or wear a tight skirt, I am not asking for it. When I wear red lipstick I am not asking for it. If I am opinionated and out-spoken I am not asking for it. If I'm shy, I am not asking for it. If I am walking alone, day or night, I am not asking for it. If I have had sex with multiple people in the past, I am not asking for it. If I am a virgin, I am not asking for it. The list goes on.
Unfortunately, rape culture is not just assault. It's also just the way women are treated. When I was nineteen, I remember walking through the mall on a break and I was wearing a particular pair of tights. Men stared at me, made comments, whistled, etc. I was not asking for that attention. A woman of any age cannot even walk through the mall, dressed as she wants to without being bothered? What's even scarier is that girls as young as thirteen (and younger) are objectified in this way.
I know this post is short, and I've not mention male rape. Yes, male rape happens, however I know more about female rape than male rape (and it occurs much more with females). It's just really disturbing that it's even an issue, and that it isn't taken more seriously within our culture considering the frequency of it. Universities and colleges don't want to go through with reports because they are afraid it will make them look bad, but wouldn't a cover up appear worse? If I went to a university known for trying to cover up these things rather than handling them I wouldn't feel safe, and I would probably transfer to another school.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Crabby Amanda is Crabby.
I'm dealing with some cabin fever today. The thing that grates about being home is that I am so isolated. I can't really go out because I'm broke. Yes, I'm about to have my part-time job back but I'm going to have to pinch that money tightly until I can get something else off and running to do.
One problem I'm really having, finances aside, is that I really miss my friends. I miss having people around that I can talk to and have fun with who are on the same page as me. And yes, not really having a care apart from getting my academics done. Everyone is right there, and now I'm three hours away. I don't know where my friends here are, and even so it wouldn't make a huge difference because I'm so broke we wouldn't be able to do something fun anyway. I have a few friends in the same boat as me, and some who are around but make no effort to see me, as well as the people who "suck" that I wrote about.
I miss my professors a bit too, and classes in general. I like being able to talk about something I've read for an hour a few times a week, and not have it be something met with the response of "who cares?" I miss feeling smart and encouraged for being smart. Not that my parents don't think I'm smart, it's just a different dynamic.
At some point I'll have to go down and visit. These crazy days are becoming progressively more crazy. I hope maybe working and getting out of my house a little will help. It's just not so easy to stay motivated sometimes. I'm trying to keep in mind that Grad School is awaiting (as long as I'm re-admitted) and time is going pretty fast! February is almost over, really. Then it will be Graduation in two months, and then hopefully I'll be heading back in August. I have a plan that I want to follow. It's a good plan. I just can't lose focus or allow myself to let anything (or anyone) demotivate me.
One problem I'm really having, finances aside, is that I really miss my friends. I miss having people around that I can talk to and have fun with who are on the same page as me. And yes, not really having a care apart from getting my academics done. Everyone is right there, and now I'm three hours away. I don't know where my friends here are, and even so it wouldn't make a huge difference because I'm so broke we wouldn't be able to do something fun anyway. I have a few friends in the same boat as me, and some who are around but make no effort to see me, as well as the people who "suck" that I wrote about.
I miss my professors a bit too, and classes in general. I like being able to talk about something I've read for an hour a few times a week, and not have it be something met with the response of "who cares?" I miss feeling smart and encouraged for being smart. Not that my parents don't think I'm smart, it's just a different dynamic.
At some point I'll have to go down and visit. These crazy days are becoming progressively more crazy. I hope maybe working and getting out of my house a little will help. It's just not so easy to stay motivated sometimes. I'm trying to keep in mind that Grad School is awaiting (as long as I'm re-admitted) and time is going pretty fast! February is almost over, really. Then it will be Graduation in two months, and then hopefully I'll be heading back in August. I have a plan that I want to follow. It's a good plan. I just can't lose focus or allow myself to let anything (or anyone) demotivate me.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Amanda's Nick Cave Introduction Course.
I haven't written about music lately, so why not give a post to Nick Cave?
Hands down, he is my favorite musician out there. He's a great songwriter, composer, showman, singer, dresser, etc. He has it all going! One thing I love about Nick is that his darkness is not so overzealous, exaggerated or obvious, but rather he goes for the dark aspects of everyday thought and life. Like Tom Waits, Nick, for me, reaches into that deep part of your gut, or that voice in the back of your head that sounds like anything from a monster to an angel (okay, that's cheesy, but you get my point). I love musicians whose music evolves. Every album of Nick's is different, and he can go from a gentle piano to a howling guitar. As Nick is a musician who has a long career, every fan will have very different favorites. Here are a some of mine, in no particular order:
He Wants You
This song is from his album Nocturama. A lot of his fans dislike this album, but I absolutely love it. There's something about this song, I don't know. I have nothing eloquent to offer, it just does it for me with the piano and the lyrics, particularly the first verse. And the way he sings the word "oar." I like it.
Still In Love
Another ballad from Nocturama. I love the orchestration of this song. I think it's perfect, and the story the lyrics tell is cryptic and compelling. My favorite lines, "Fall asleep in the summer rain with no single memory of pain," and "Call me up baby and I'll answer your call/Call me up, but remember I am no use to you at all." I think it captures the sadness and complicatedness of love.
Lime Tree Arbour
From The Boatman's Call. This is easily my favorite album by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. The songs are quite sad on this record, having been written after during/after the dissolution of his relationship with PJ Harvey (You should know this Nick Cave song too, it's glorious, and PJ has a great voice. Plus it's a MURDER ballad).
Bring It On
From Nocturama. Finally a song that's a bit more upbeat. I think this song is, hands down, one of my favorite songs. I love the strings. And the lyrics are so gorgeous. "The geraniums on your window sill/The carnations, dear, and the daffodil/Well, they're ordinary flowers but they long for the light of your touch/And of your trembling will/You're trembling still, and I am trembling too/To be perfectly honest I don't know quite what else to do."
Jubilee Street
From Push the Sky Away. I listened to this song repeatedly last spring when it came out because for some reason it did something for my anxiety that felt like "a ten ton catastrophe on a sixty-pound chain." Also, for reasons the line "the problem was, she had a little black book and my name was written on every page" just makes me think of somebody at that particular time in my life (I will never reveal who). And the way he sings "every page" gives me chills.
Jack the Ripper
From Henry's Dream. Do I really need to give a description to entice you? Isn't the title enough? "She screams out 'Jack the Ripper' every time I try to give that girl a kiss."
Knoxville Girl
From his B-sides and Rarities box set. I think it's brilliant because there's something oddly humorous about something as dark as a murder ballad.
Sleeping Annaleah
From Kicking Against the Pricks. I just love it and have nothing profound to explain why I love it. I think my favorite aspect of it is his voice.
Up Jumped the Devil
From Tender Prey. Lyrically, a dark little number. Do I have to explain why this one is appealing too? The title of the song AND the record's name should be all you need to know. It's creepy, gothic, and wonderful.
Straight to You
From Henry's Dream. This will be played at my wedding at some point. I think it's a fantastic love song, and there is something unconventional about it. Just a gorgeous song.
Are You The One That I've Been Waiting For?
From The Boatman's Call. I was in love with this song from the first time I heard it, but recently a whole new layer of meaning and love for me. Nick is a well-read man, and while I did a study on Oscar Wilde came across some connections. Not only did Nick write his own version of Salome, but he references Wilde's De Profundis in this song with the lyrics, "out of sorrow entire worlds have been built." Wilde's wrote, "but out of sorrow have the worlds been built."
Love Letter
From And No More Shall We Part. As you can see, I'm partial to Nick at the piano. The fun of Nick is the juxtaposition between songs like this and Let Love In or The Curse of Millhaven. This song had me hook from the opening verse, "I hold this letter in my hand/A plea, a petition, a kind of prayer." And the closing words of "Please come back to me." Grab yourself a tissue for this one.
The Lyre of Orpheus
From Abbatoir Blues/The Lyre of Orpheus. I love the bluesy orchestration and his re-telling of the Orpheus myth into something darkly funny, "Eurydice appeared brindled in blood and said to Orpheus 'If you play that fucking thing down here I'll stick it up your orifice.'" Poetry.
To Be By Your Side
My final song for this post. I'm not sure where this one comes from, or what it was written for. I found it once just watching videos of Nick on YouTube. I don't think it's hard to fall in love with this one.
That's where I'll end this post for now. I could go on, and on. Maybe in the future I'll do a part two because it's really quite hard to name all the ones I love. Seriously, I didn't even get into his Grinderman music, or the songs he composed for movies. I'm remembering songs now that I should have included, like Midnight Man or his cover of Leonard Cohen's Suzanne. But I need to wrap it up for now. Go forth, read, Go towards the Cave.
He always wears really debonair suits.
Hands down, he is my favorite musician out there. He's a great songwriter, composer, showman, singer, dresser, etc. He has it all going! One thing I love about Nick is that his darkness is not so overzealous, exaggerated or obvious, but rather he goes for the dark aspects of everyday thought and life. Like Tom Waits, Nick, for me, reaches into that deep part of your gut, or that voice in the back of your head that sounds like anything from a monster to an angel (okay, that's cheesy, but you get my point). I love musicians whose music evolves. Every album of Nick's is different, and he can go from a gentle piano to a howling guitar. As Nick is a musician who has a long career, every fan will have very different favorites. Here are a some of mine, in no particular order:
He Wants You
This song is from his album Nocturama. A lot of his fans dislike this album, but I absolutely love it. There's something about this song, I don't know. I have nothing eloquent to offer, it just does it for me with the piano and the lyrics, particularly the first verse. And the way he sings the word "oar." I like it.
Still In Love
Another ballad from Nocturama. I love the orchestration of this song. I think it's perfect, and the story the lyrics tell is cryptic and compelling. My favorite lines, "Fall asleep in the summer rain with no single memory of pain," and "Call me up baby and I'll answer your call/Call me up, but remember I am no use to you at all." I think it captures the sadness and complicatedness of love.
Lime Tree Arbour
From The Boatman's Call. This is easily my favorite album by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. The songs are quite sad on this record, having been written after during/after the dissolution of his relationship with PJ Harvey (You should know this Nick Cave song too, it's glorious, and PJ has a great voice. Plus it's a MURDER ballad).
Bring It On
From Nocturama. Finally a song that's a bit more upbeat. I think this song is, hands down, one of my favorite songs. I love the strings. And the lyrics are so gorgeous. "The geraniums on your window sill/The carnations, dear, and the daffodil/Well, they're ordinary flowers but they long for the light of your touch/And of your trembling will/You're trembling still, and I am trembling too/To be perfectly honest I don't know quite what else to do."
Jubilee Street
From Push the Sky Away. I listened to this song repeatedly last spring when it came out because for some reason it did something for my anxiety that felt like "a ten ton catastrophe on a sixty-pound chain." Also, for reasons the line "the problem was, she had a little black book and my name was written on every page" just makes me think of somebody at that particular time in my life (I will never reveal who). And the way he sings "every page" gives me chills.
Jack the Ripper
From Henry's Dream. Do I really need to give a description to entice you? Isn't the title enough? "She screams out 'Jack the Ripper' every time I try to give that girl a kiss."
Knoxville Girl
From his B-sides and Rarities box set. I think it's brilliant because there's something oddly humorous about something as dark as a murder ballad.
Sleeping Annaleah
From Kicking Against the Pricks. I just love it and have nothing profound to explain why I love it. I think my favorite aspect of it is his voice.
Up Jumped the Devil
From Tender Prey. Lyrically, a dark little number. Do I have to explain why this one is appealing too? The title of the song AND the record's name should be all you need to know. It's creepy, gothic, and wonderful.
Straight to You
From Henry's Dream. This will be played at my wedding at some point. I think it's a fantastic love song, and there is something unconventional about it. Just a gorgeous song.
Are You The One That I've Been Waiting For?
From The Boatman's Call. I was in love with this song from the first time I heard it, but recently a whole new layer of meaning and love for me. Nick is a well-read man, and while I did a study on Oscar Wilde came across some connections. Not only did Nick write his own version of Salome, but he references Wilde's De Profundis in this song with the lyrics, "out of sorrow entire worlds have been built." Wilde's wrote, "but out of sorrow have the worlds been built."
Love Letter
From And No More Shall We Part. As you can see, I'm partial to Nick at the piano. The fun of Nick is the juxtaposition between songs like this and Let Love In or The Curse of Millhaven. This song had me hook from the opening verse, "I hold this letter in my hand/A plea, a petition, a kind of prayer." And the closing words of "Please come back to me." Grab yourself a tissue for this one.
The Lyre of Orpheus
From Abbatoir Blues/The Lyre of Orpheus. I love the bluesy orchestration and his re-telling of the Orpheus myth into something darkly funny, "Eurydice appeared brindled in blood and said to Orpheus 'If you play that fucking thing down here I'll stick it up your orifice.'" Poetry.
To Be By Your Side
My final song for this post. I'm not sure where this one comes from, or what it was written for. I found it once just watching videos of Nick on YouTube. I don't think it's hard to fall in love with this one.
That's where I'll end this post for now. I could go on, and on. Maybe in the future I'll do a part two because it's really quite hard to name all the ones I love. Seriously, I didn't even get into his Grinderman music, or the songs he composed for movies. I'm remembering songs now that I should have included, like Midnight Man or his cover of Leonard Cohen's Suzanne. But I need to wrap it up for now. Go forth, read, Go towards the Cave.
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