I haven't posted on here in a really long time--yet here I am posting in the wee hours about something incredibly serious and personal in my mind.
There was a time in my life when if someone were to ask me if I am a feminist I would've said "hell no." However, feminism isn't just burning bras, growing body hair, and hating men. Sure, there are feminists who do this I'm sure, but there's a much broader point, in my mind why it's important and why we need it.
For me, it's as simple as this: I believe in Feminism for the simple fact that I want to be able to walk through a parking lot at night and not feel any less safe than anybody else just because I am a woman. I want to be able to wear the clothing I want to wear without being people publicly objectifying me. Which brings me to this post.
I was told by a co-worker today that a newly hired keyholder made comments to her not only about my body, but my store manager's. Whether this associate was trying to spread gossip to me or stir the post to muster up drama I don't know (but how could anybody pass information like that on and not expect it to be taken seriously?). Coupled by the fact that this particular new keyholder has made me uncomfortable before, asking if I have a boyfriend, and my feeling like he's always staring at me--we came to have some concrete evidence that supported my feeling uncomfortable around this person.
When this person was first hired, I was amiable because that's how I am. I like to think I'll give people a chance within reason. However, there were times I'd just feel uncomfortable. I thought maybe I was just paranoid because we had a new person in the store that changed the dynamic and maybe I needed to be patient and give the guy a chance. Then this news came in and I feel valid for the discomfort arisen from this person's presence.
Naturally, my store manager was angry to hear this. Like it or not, but a comment about a co-worker's body can be construed as sexual harassment.
When I said something about it, I felt guilty at first for saying something. You know those people who say they hate drama yet they bring it everywhere? I like to think I'm not like that, but I am a person who actually hates drama--I have anxiety issues people. Anxiety ridden people don't like commotion. You can say I'm overreacting or freaking out about everything, fine. But you're part of the problem. I used to find phrases like "rape culture" annoying, but I get it because in rape culture, a person is made to feel guilty if they address discomfort because of something someone says or does, or dressing in a way to cover your body in order to avoid advances.
I don't care what job you have, be it retail or a bloody CEO, everyone has the right to feel comfortable and safe at their job, and not as if they are being objectified.
And I'm not an idiot. Seriously, everyone has a butt. We all look at each other's butts. It's just what people do. I am aware I have a big butt and it's really pretty damn obvious and not really up for discussion. It's fact. However, I think it is WILDLY inappropriate to discuss people's bodies at your job. Not only is it gossip, but it's harassment. I know the situation is going to be handled, and regardless, I will be in school soon and away from it all. I don't think this circumstance is ok and I don't understand anyone who wouldn't see the situation as problematic. If you want to come to work daily and feel uncomfortable or objectified then knock yourself out, but I don't. And I'm not about to let any guy try and do that to me.
I imagine, in fairness, that this guy didn't realize it would be taken negatively or repeated. Was it meant to be offensive or something that made me uncomfortable? No. I doubt it. However, it's not appropriate considering how much we have to talk not only to each other but to our customers. I can't say I've ever had a discussion about a co-worker's body. It's one thing to talk amongst friends about those things, but at work it's another story. I imagine for him he came in and saw how close everyone in the store is, and how well we all get along and talk. Maybe it's me, but whenever I'm the new kid I pay attention to personalities, dynamics, and what will be okay vs not. Had I come into my store after being gone and worked with the new employees and then started gossiping about their bodies or other things about them I don't think I would've been received well. At all. The end.
Showing posts with label manners. Show all posts
Showing posts with label manners. Show all posts
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Manners
I think working in various retail stores since 2008 has given me quite the unpleasant view of the way people can be so awful to others. I reckon anyone who has worked in any sort of customer service position can relate. Generally speaking, most people aren't friendly or they are just aloof and aren't really there to do anything but look. However, you do get those people who are so nasty that you wonder if they were ever taught to be freaking nice to people. I'm surely not Miss Manners, but I try. I try to be polite and respectful of other people because it's just the way to be. Just because someone is pouring your drink and folding the clothes you want to buy, it does not mean they are of an inferior race of humans. Yet, sadly, some people do treat us that way.
Don't get me wrong, those of us who work in customer service are not always majestic, perfect little angels. We've all experienced poor service somewhere. I once went to a bar where I got a drink that had a bug in it, and the waiter basically ignored me the entire night in a seemingly deliberate fashion. I wasn't rude, I just wanted a drink void of a dead bug. I've also experienced walking into a store where the employees don't even acknowledge my presence, sit around gossiping, swearing on the floor, or stalk me around the store as if I'm a thief. Recently, I went into a bookstore to order a book and the employee did not ask me to verify the edition I wanted. I looked up the copy he ordered for me, and it was abridged (considering the book is originally 1500 pages, and this version was near 600...yeah no thank you). Personally, I guess if I saw different editions/prices for a book coming up, I'd ask the customer which it would be that they want. This list goes on of fouls. Sometimes we customer service people do suck because we are patronizing or too smothering or completely negligent. It happens.
As an employee, I do try, with earnest, to be polite and respectful to people. However, sometimes it's really difficult when people will not ever stoop to say "hello" back to you when you greet them. Today, I watched a woman basically throw a shopping bag at my co-worker. Then, while she was shopping, she had a decent number of items racked on her arm. In EVERY clothing store I've worked, I've been taught to ask a customer with full hands if they'd like a fitting room started so they don't have to carry all of these heavy clothes about. I politely asked her if I could start her a room, and she says "No. I will let you know when I need help." I could understand if we had been pushy or rude to her, but we weren't. I mean, she was planning to try all of these clothes on, and she had several articles of clothing, why wouldn't you want your hands free? Something so trivial as that to be rude about. Rudeness for the sake of rudeness.
None of us had been rude to her, as is often the case when people are snarky to customer service employees. I've seen circumstances in which the customer surly reaction to an employee was justified because we were being disrespectful. Personally, I can't stand when I feel like I'm being followed in a store, but if that happens, I'll leave. I'm not about to get pissy because it's hardly worth the energy.
Honestly, I joke about it a lot, but I really think that manners should be taught in schools because seemingly they aren't learning them at home. Politeness, "please," "thank you," a "hello" back, etc. it gets you so far in life! And it is so appreciated. Don't be disrespectful of us because we are in customer service. Many of us are college educated, or just intelligent without the need of a degree (some of us do suffer from stupidity, in fairness). We are humans. We make mistakes. We would not try to offend you on purpose because if we did that we would get fired, and not a single person these days can stand to lose their job even if they are in something like food service or retail. Forgive us if we apologize; I promise, we mean it when we do.
I think schools should implement manners/etiquette into their curriculum through the grade school years and into university. They teach us to play nice with others in kindergarten, but they never continue to lesson! From respecting other people, to dining manners to job interview manners, I think it would be tremendously worthwhile if we taught these things in schools.
I also think at some point everyone should experience customer service. Nothing teaches you patience and humility in such a hands-on way. Whenever I go into a store now, I do my best to be respectful. If the employee speaks to me, I kindly reply. If I pick something up or knock it over, I put it back as it was. I often will talk to them because they are surely bored out of their mind if it's a slower working day. And having to deal with someone that's a virtual stranger being mean to you doesn't always get easier. Eventually, you do learn to let it slide and laugh it off, but it's still a slow process to develop a thick skin, if you ever do.
Don't get me wrong, those of us who work in customer service are not always majestic, perfect little angels. We've all experienced poor service somewhere. I once went to a bar where I got a drink that had a bug in it, and the waiter basically ignored me the entire night in a seemingly deliberate fashion. I wasn't rude, I just wanted a drink void of a dead bug. I've also experienced walking into a store where the employees don't even acknowledge my presence, sit around gossiping, swearing on the floor, or stalk me around the store as if I'm a thief. Recently, I went into a bookstore to order a book and the employee did not ask me to verify the edition I wanted. I looked up the copy he ordered for me, and it was abridged (considering the book is originally 1500 pages, and this version was near 600...yeah no thank you). Personally, I guess if I saw different editions/prices for a book coming up, I'd ask the customer which it would be that they want. This list goes on of fouls. Sometimes we customer service people do suck because we are patronizing or too smothering or completely negligent. It happens.
As an employee, I do try, with earnest, to be polite and respectful to people. However, sometimes it's really difficult when people will not ever stoop to say "hello" back to you when you greet them. Today, I watched a woman basically throw a shopping bag at my co-worker. Then, while she was shopping, she had a decent number of items racked on her arm. In EVERY clothing store I've worked, I've been taught to ask a customer with full hands if they'd like a fitting room started so they don't have to carry all of these heavy clothes about. I politely asked her if I could start her a room, and she says "No. I will let you know when I need help." I could understand if we had been pushy or rude to her, but we weren't. I mean, she was planning to try all of these clothes on, and she had several articles of clothing, why wouldn't you want your hands free? Something so trivial as that to be rude about. Rudeness for the sake of rudeness.
None of us had been rude to her, as is often the case when people are snarky to customer service employees. I've seen circumstances in which the customer surly reaction to an employee was justified because we were being disrespectful. Personally, I can't stand when I feel like I'm being followed in a store, but if that happens, I'll leave. I'm not about to get pissy because it's hardly worth the energy.
Honestly, I joke about it a lot, but I really think that manners should be taught in schools because seemingly they aren't learning them at home. Politeness, "please," "thank you," a "hello" back, etc. it gets you so far in life! And it is so appreciated. Don't be disrespectful of us because we are in customer service. Many of us are college educated, or just intelligent without the need of a degree (some of us do suffer from stupidity, in fairness). We are humans. We make mistakes. We would not try to offend you on purpose because if we did that we would get fired, and not a single person these days can stand to lose their job even if they are in something like food service or retail. Forgive us if we apologize; I promise, we mean it when we do.
I think schools should implement manners/etiquette into their curriculum through the grade school years and into university. They teach us to play nice with others in kindergarten, but they never continue to lesson! From respecting other people, to dining manners to job interview manners, I think it would be tremendously worthwhile if we taught these things in schools.
I also think at some point everyone should experience customer service. Nothing teaches you patience and humility in such a hands-on way. Whenever I go into a store now, I do my best to be respectful. If the employee speaks to me, I kindly reply. If I pick something up or knock it over, I put it back as it was. I often will talk to them because they are surely bored out of their mind if it's a slower working day. And having to deal with someone that's a virtual stranger being mean to you doesn't always get easier. Eventually, you do learn to let it slide and laugh it off, but it's still a slow process to develop a thick skin, if you ever do.
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