I Don't Care About Valentine's Day

I do not say this with bitterness or envy; I don't care about Valentine's Day. I'm really quite aloof to it. It's just another day that I wear red lipstick (I wearing it daily). One perk is that I can eat a lot of chocolate and nobody gives me lip for it, but that's really all I've got. I do not feel sad or lonely because I'm single. I don't resent my friends who are married, engaged, dating, etc. who are posting about their Valentine. Well, I may a wee bit because I'm quite unlucky when it comes to love, and I have the obnoxious habit of falling for people I can't have, and oftentimes the guys who are interested in me I want nothing to do with romantically. My most recent interest is an Eponine 101 scenario. I fell for him, but he has no idea (and never will because it's unhealthy).

Anyways, the holiday is really not important to me. Would I like to have a relationship? Yes. However, I don't think the time is right. Apart from no one tangible being about (and the tangible aren't people I want. Seriously, enough with the drunken late night Facebook messages guys) I just don't think the time is right. I just finished university, and I'm in the post-uni shuffle of trying to get a job. Hopefully I'll be going to graduate school this August. If someone came along then I wouldn't be closed off to them because of my life hopefully being a bit busy and crazy. However, I just don't think it's right for now.

Also, I'm not going to act like I choose singledom. It's a chronic condition. I've always had questionable amounts of confidence, and I am much more introverted than a lot of people realize. I can talk in class, to customers, or post funny, sharp things online that would insinuate that I'm not a shy person. However, I have a tendency to be really quiet and shy, especially if I'm nervous. One of the reasons I'm able to talk in class, little known fact, is because I'll write down what I want to say so that I don't ramble or forget. If someone were to take my pulse while talking in class, or to a customer at work, you'd think I just popped off the treadmill. This nervousness goes into guys. The minute I decide I like someone I get a little shy with them, and probably sabotage myself in that respect.

I don't sit around moping about Valentine's Day or dreading the day when it comes. I'm indifferent. I'm actually more depressed if I don't have plans for Halloween. I remember hating it, and finding Valentine's to be the worst day ever as a teenager because you'd have couples bringing each other gifts while you sit there by yourself. In junior high, you could buy carnations for your friends/the person you liked and they would pass them out during the gym period. I remember it being profoundly depressing for me as an thirteen year old, sitting there watching friends of mine get tons of flowers while I had a grand total of zero. Around the same time that year, my grandmother passed away, and I had been in the shuffle of her wake, funeral, and burial. That was a justifiably depressing Valentine's Day.

I still think it's rather silly to be so annoyed by it. I'd rather meet someone who treats me special all year round than the heart-shaped boxes holiday. There are worse things on earth than not having a date or significant other for Valentine's Day.