SPOLIERS YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
The Fault in Our Stars is the first novel by John Green that I read, and I loved it. I thought the characters were funny, and I enjoyed the way they deconstructed the way everyone tried to fluff cancer for them. The main character has an oxygen tank she totes around and tubes in her nose to help her breathe, and she's constantly aware of the fact that she will die. Of course the love story was a touch saccharine at times, but sometimes you've got to just allow yourself to be absorbed by the world the author presents and let it happen without your cynical judgment. Plus, considering the hell these teenagers endure--they can have a little saccharine in their lives, and on their own terms. Was I surprised Augustus dies? Not really. It couldn't be Hazel because she's the narrator, unless Green had her die mid-sentence a la Hazel's favorite book (which would've been a bit morbid, I think).
So, the film came out recently, and I loved it. I cried when Augustus started to get sick again, when he dies. GAH. I didn't cry when I read the book, but it certainly stays with you. The way I react to films is always different than a book. With books, they are in your head, in this safe little world within your imagination in which you decide how they look, what they wear, and how their neighborhood looks. Then you see them on screen, and for me, they then became real, concrete people. And not to mention THEY WERE SO ADORABLE!
It's only natural for any author or novel with copious success to receive negative reviews and people questioning their work. After reading this one, I went onto Looking For Alaska and Paper Towns and I honestly didn't love them. There were moments of cheesiness, some parts were quite funny. However, I did feel that there was some similarity in the plots. I will say I do appreciate the fact that both of these books, particularly Paper Towns, really address the idea we have of person vs. who they really are. Usually people are not who we think they are, and we can idealize them as much as we want, but there's often much more complexity that we aren't getting. Having said that, I don't know that I'll go on to read anymore of his books.
Naturally, with The Fault in Our Stars becoming such a sensation (did anyone else catch it show up on Orange is the New Black?) people are going to respond to it. I don't sit around looking for these types of things because honestly I don't care much if other people love or hate the books I care about. However, this one popped up on my youtube account, and since I've seen her other posts before, I thought I'd give it a go.
First of all, I appreciate anybody putting their opinions out there in an articulate manner especially when their subject is going to acquire a lot of backlash (the comments on her video are heinously negative at times). Welcome to my life not giving a rat's ass about Harry Potter books--you wouldn't believe how many times I've heard "oh my god WHY?" or "what's wrong with you?" Nothing. I just don't care. My bedroom is taken over by several stacks of books I'm much more interested in reading than the boy wizard saga. However, I do have some issues with a few of her statements:
1. Of course the way the characters speak is debatably "teenager." All teenagers speak quite differently, and having adults writing from the teenage mentality is always a tricky thing. There's nothing "Shakespearean" about their speech. One point she makes is that the teenagers don't sound teenager-ish and that teens don't speak that way. If it's because of the words they use being a tad fancy for the average teen--that's not Shakespearean. Shakespeare was considered low-brow entertainment, and a nice chunk of his audience wasn't people sitting on cushions. Had he been too pretentious for the common man's intelligence then he wouldn't have been successful. Plus a decent portion of his language is compromised of slang.
2. This novel does not in any way, shape, or form "romanticize" cancer. I think the claim that it does is ludicrous. Yes, there's a love story but it is hardly a romanticizing of cancer. People with cancer do fall in love--they're allowed. Had cancer been romanticized in Green's novel then the cancer wouldn't have been such a prominent subject of the novel, and we wouldn't get the gruesome details about cancer.
Hazel can't breathe by herself, and she's too sick to even attend school. She regularly has health scares, and she's quite aware of the fact that she's going to die a young person. Something as simple as walking stairs, or taking a trip to Amsterdam, is a huge deal for her.
Augustus has lost a limb to cancer. His cancer comes back and it kills him. The moment when Hazel goes to get him is hardly a romanticization. Not to mention Issac's entire storyline.
Maybe if these were characters who had cancer and it never came back, and then they walked off into the sunset happily ever after, then yes, that is romanticizing illness. If there was mention of Hazel being unable to breathe with assistance, yet she had no oxygen tank pumping air into her nose, then sure, maybe. However, the way that these characters are so aware of death is hardly romantic. And they aren't romanticizing their deaths either. Yes the line Hazel proclaims about being a "grenade" is dramatic, it's her awareness that she could die at any moment, and the people who will be in pain when she passes.
3. The metaphor of Augustus' cigarette as a bad influence for youngsters, come on. It's not John Green's responsibility to write a moral character. Even if he tried, everyone has completely different ideals about what makes someone good or not, and there would still be controversy. Plus, Augustus is of legal age to buy cigarettes. Author's are not meant to be the moral code for their readers. Their job is to write the characters that are in their minds--to make us think, to entertain, etc. It's not an author's responsibility to write positive influences for their fans.
Also--I seriously doubt that there were many teenagers vying for the chance to buy cigarettes and not smoke them in the name of Augustus Waters. Seriously, a carton of cigarettes is expensive!
4. The kiss in the Anne Frank house is an awkward moment, but I think it made sense after Hazel climbs the stairs to the top. I think that scene in both the book and film made my stomach crawl with nerves.
5. Van Houten doesn't force anyone to do anything. The terms for her knowing more require her to go to him. And why is it so surprising that Hazel would go to Amsterdam? Yes, she's ill and it's risky, but as a person who is so aware of her limited time of Earth, is it that shocking that she'd try to go? Especially because it's her favorite author. And to me it makes sense that he wouldn't correspond via e-mail with her about his story because she could easily sell it or leak it online. That stuff happens to authors quite a bit in the digital age.
Was it crazy--yes. But it's a fictional piece meant to entertain--as well as to make you think. And of course her mother would endorse this happening--she wants her daughter to be happy, and not miss the opportunities she wishes for just because of her cancer. I think it's a pretty great mom to organize the trip for her so thoroughly.
Plus, I bet that mama instinct could sense something with Augustus beginning to grow. What teenager would want their mother around for that? Plus, the trip was organized through Make A Wish for them, not mama.
Okay, five points is enough. I think some of the negativity is a little over thought, and I personally did experience the same disillusionment with Green's other books. I give her kudos for putting her opinion out there, but I don't know--the point of posting an entire video about why you dislike something? It's brave, it's a kick me sign, and I don't know if I'd personally do it because I don't know that I'd want to dedicate a video to things I don't like.
Then you have your Goodreads pedants, who have discussions dedicated to disliking the book. Okay, look, I think wanting to have a discussion is completely valid, but seriously, there's a thread entitled, "People Who HATED This Book." I don't get it. If you can have a constructive reasoning for why you dislike something, then okay, but hatred? While this video I posted is one full of arguments I find flawed and that I don't agree with--she's constructive. She's not just saying "Ew, it's stupid," "I hate this book." I don't know if posting the Goodreads link helps her case, but to each their own.
I'm not saying this book is the most beautiful piece of literature--and anytime something has hype there will be criticism and people feeling the hype was unprecedented. However, I did like it. It is always believable, no, but that's the trick when non-teens write about teens, and also the manner in which all teenagers interact. I guarantee every group of friends speaks differently--that's always an argument about books written from any perspective--is it believable? I thought it did provide an insight to the hardly glamorous effects of cancer, and the way people feel within their community who are enduring it.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Very Inspirational Blogger Award!
I'm a pretty slacking blogger these days, but life has it's ways. I am considering a move to wordpress where my nominator, Cathy, the superb writer of In and Out, chose me was an inspiring blogger. For me, this is quite the compliment because her writing is excellent. So excellent that excellent doesn't cover it. You'd think as an English major I'd have more expansive words to articulate this fact, but alas.
The rules are to post the name of the blogger, and the inspiring blogger image (check, and check). The next is to post seven facts about yourself so here I go.
1. I am about to begin my Master's Degree in Literature. I never in a million years thought I would be getting an advanced degree, or wanting to get a PhD. I still feel silly saying it.
2. I adopted my dog, Toby, in 2009. I can't imagine life without him at this point. While both of my dogs prior to him were special--one being my first friend as a little wee one, the second because I grew up with him (13-almost 14-years of him), Toby is just really special because he's my boy. He identifies me as his mama. He is a bad dog, but he's my boy and I love him.
3. I'm an introvert by the book. I love being around people but I need time alone to recharge otherwise I get cranky and exhausted. Sometimes I don't even realize it when I'm not speaking.
4. I love reading. I didn't always love it, but I've found books and authors that really do a lot for me. Honestly, one reason I enjoy reading is because I love the accomplishment of finishing a book as well. Frankly, I feel so much more productive with my time if I spend it reading rather than on the computer or watching TV.
5. I love music, and it's something I've been passionate about since I was quite young.
6. I can't imagine a life without Oscar Wilde or Nick Cave.
7. I'm one of those women who loves their hair. I'm told this isn't a common thing, but I really do. I cannot imagine myself with straight, non-voluminous hair.
The next rule is to tag other bloggers--oopsie! Unfortunately I don't have any at the moment--but perhaps moving to a new address will change that. I shall keep you all posted!
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Feminism and Such.
I haven't posted on here in a really long time--yet here I am posting in the wee hours about something incredibly serious and personal in my mind.
There was a time in my life when if someone were to ask me if I am a feminist I would've said "hell no." However, feminism isn't just burning bras, growing body hair, and hating men. Sure, there are feminists who do this I'm sure, but there's a much broader point, in my mind why it's important and why we need it.
For me, it's as simple as this: I believe in Feminism for the simple fact that I want to be able to walk through a parking lot at night and not feel any less safe than anybody else just because I am a woman. I want to be able to wear the clothing I want to wear without being people publicly objectifying me. Which brings me to this post.
I was told by a co-worker today that a newly hired keyholder made comments to her not only about my body, but my store manager's. Whether this associate was trying to spread gossip to me or stir the post to muster up drama I don't know (but how could anybody pass information like that on and not expect it to be taken seriously?). Coupled by the fact that this particular new keyholder has made me uncomfortable before, asking if I have a boyfriend, and my feeling like he's always staring at me--we came to have some concrete evidence that supported my feeling uncomfortable around this person.
When this person was first hired, I was amiable because that's how I am. I like to think I'll give people a chance within reason. However, there were times I'd just feel uncomfortable. I thought maybe I was just paranoid because we had a new person in the store that changed the dynamic and maybe I needed to be patient and give the guy a chance. Then this news came in and I feel valid for the discomfort arisen from this person's presence.
Naturally, my store manager was angry to hear this. Like it or not, but a comment about a co-worker's body can be construed as sexual harassment.
When I said something about it, I felt guilty at first for saying something. You know those people who say they hate drama yet they bring it everywhere? I like to think I'm not like that, but I am a person who actually hates drama--I have anxiety issues people. Anxiety ridden people don't like commotion. You can say I'm overreacting or freaking out about everything, fine. But you're part of the problem. I used to find phrases like "rape culture" annoying, but I get it because in rape culture, a person is made to feel guilty if they address discomfort because of something someone says or does, or dressing in a way to cover your body in order to avoid advances.
I don't care what job you have, be it retail or a bloody CEO, everyone has the right to feel comfortable and safe at their job, and not as if they are being objectified.
And I'm not an idiot. Seriously, everyone has a butt. We all look at each other's butts. It's just what people do. I am aware I have a big butt and it's really pretty damn obvious and not really up for discussion. It's fact. However, I think it is WILDLY inappropriate to discuss people's bodies at your job. Not only is it gossip, but it's harassment. I know the situation is going to be handled, and regardless, I will be in school soon and away from it all. I don't think this circumstance is ok and I don't understand anyone who wouldn't see the situation as problematic. If you want to come to work daily and feel uncomfortable or objectified then knock yourself out, but I don't. And I'm not about to let any guy try and do that to me.
I imagine, in fairness, that this guy didn't realize it would be taken negatively or repeated. Was it meant to be offensive or something that made me uncomfortable? No. I doubt it. However, it's not appropriate considering how much we have to talk not only to each other but to our customers. I can't say I've ever had a discussion about a co-worker's body. It's one thing to talk amongst friends about those things, but at work it's another story. I imagine for him he came in and saw how close everyone in the store is, and how well we all get along and talk. Maybe it's me, but whenever I'm the new kid I pay attention to personalities, dynamics, and what will be okay vs not. Had I come into my store after being gone and worked with the new employees and then started gossiping about their bodies or other things about them I don't think I would've been received well. At all. The end.
There was a time in my life when if someone were to ask me if I am a feminist I would've said "hell no." However, feminism isn't just burning bras, growing body hair, and hating men. Sure, there are feminists who do this I'm sure, but there's a much broader point, in my mind why it's important and why we need it.
For me, it's as simple as this: I believe in Feminism for the simple fact that I want to be able to walk through a parking lot at night and not feel any less safe than anybody else just because I am a woman. I want to be able to wear the clothing I want to wear without being people publicly objectifying me. Which brings me to this post.
I was told by a co-worker today that a newly hired keyholder made comments to her not only about my body, but my store manager's. Whether this associate was trying to spread gossip to me or stir the post to muster up drama I don't know (but how could anybody pass information like that on and not expect it to be taken seriously?). Coupled by the fact that this particular new keyholder has made me uncomfortable before, asking if I have a boyfriend, and my feeling like he's always staring at me--we came to have some concrete evidence that supported my feeling uncomfortable around this person.
When this person was first hired, I was amiable because that's how I am. I like to think I'll give people a chance within reason. However, there were times I'd just feel uncomfortable. I thought maybe I was just paranoid because we had a new person in the store that changed the dynamic and maybe I needed to be patient and give the guy a chance. Then this news came in and I feel valid for the discomfort arisen from this person's presence.
Naturally, my store manager was angry to hear this. Like it or not, but a comment about a co-worker's body can be construed as sexual harassment.
When I said something about it, I felt guilty at first for saying something. You know those people who say they hate drama yet they bring it everywhere? I like to think I'm not like that, but I am a person who actually hates drama--I have anxiety issues people. Anxiety ridden people don't like commotion. You can say I'm overreacting or freaking out about everything, fine. But you're part of the problem. I used to find phrases like "rape culture" annoying, but I get it because in rape culture, a person is made to feel guilty if they address discomfort because of something someone says or does, or dressing in a way to cover your body in order to avoid advances.
I don't care what job you have, be it retail or a bloody CEO, everyone has the right to feel comfortable and safe at their job, and not as if they are being objectified.
And I'm not an idiot. Seriously, everyone has a butt. We all look at each other's butts. It's just what people do. I am aware I have a big butt and it's really pretty damn obvious and not really up for discussion. It's fact. However, I think it is WILDLY inappropriate to discuss people's bodies at your job. Not only is it gossip, but it's harassment. I know the situation is going to be handled, and regardless, I will be in school soon and away from it all. I don't think this circumstance is ok and I don't understand anyone who wouldn't see the situation as problematic. If you want to come to work daily and feel uncomfortable or objectified then knock yourself out, but I don't. And I'm not about to let any guy try and do that to me.
I imagine, in fairness, that this guy didn't realize it would be taken negatively or repeated. Was it meant to be offensive or something that made me uncomfortable? No. I doubt it. However, it's not appropriate considering how much we have to talk not only to each other but to our customers. I can't say I've ever had a discussion about a co-worker's body. It's one thing to talk amongst friends about those things, but at work it's another story. I imagine for him he came in and saw how close everyone in the store is, and how well we all get along and talk. Maybe it's me, but whenever I'm the new kid I pay attention to personalities, dynamics, and what will be okay vs not. Had I come into my store after being gone and worked with the new employees and then started gossiping about their bodies or other things about them I don't think I would've been received well. At all. The end.
Saturday, May 3, 2014
How To Survive Undergrad
With my Master's Degree looming, as well as my commencement ceremony for my Bachelor's next weekend, my future feels so bright. Not only that, but I'm also thinking about all of the experiences I've had, mistakes, triumphs, etc. Anywho, here are a few of my gems that I felt worth sharing with the masses (or just the people who actually read this):
1. Get over yourself.
If you come into college unwilling to be open and meet new, different people then you'll never make friends. In my experience, people generally don't care that much about if you're "preppy" or "metal." Yes, some still do. However, most people in college have the "we're in it together" mentality and will make friends with just about anybody in their classes, or their roommate who is into anime when they don't know/care about it.
2. While you should be open to other people, you should still have standards.
It's good to make friends, but it's important to recognize when those friends are toxic. If they make you compromise yourself or make you feel bad about being the way you are, ditch them. Don't invest in that person, or the one who guilts you into a frat party when you've got a midterm to study for. Be open, but pay attention so you can realize when someone isn't good for you.
3. Actually go to class.
Yes, you do have to go to class. Unlike high school where they will e-mail and call your mommy to let her know if you're absent or tardy, it's on you to show up. Go. To. Class. Your college professors will not babysit you or call your mother if you blow off class or show up late. However, you still should go. Save your skipping days for when you actually are sick.
4. While we're on the subject of going to class, show up on time.
My university is small enough that if you blow off class, or arrive tardy, the professor will know because the door is right at the front of the classroom. Not only that, but they take attendance and factor it into your grade! Miss enough class and you fail. Seriously, the easiest part of a class is showing up on time. Sure accidents happen, and you'll be late, but if it's not a common reoccurrence they won't get that pissed with you.
Maybe it's just me, but to me, showing up on time says that you care about the class, and it shows some integrity. It's also just a form of respect to your classmates and your professor.
5. You actually have to do the assigned reading.
In college, reading is real homework. I'm not going to act like there were times in high school when I didn't read and still aced the work because I did. However, it doesn't work that way in college at all. Professors like to give quizzes, call on people at random, etc. They know when you haven't read. They aren't idiots, and they've probably skipped reading before too and they know the signs.
PS You'll actually enjoy class if did the reading because you'll know what's going on.
6. Don't take the "easy" classes for granted.
This is an important one. Just because it's an easy class for you it doesn't mean you should slack. Do the work and get an A. It's annoying to have a class that's easy for you and wind up with a B or C because you took it for granted. Seriously, don't get too cocky because it will end you. You don't want to wind up re-taking a class because you slacked through it because you thought it was "too easy."
7.Beware showing up to class under the influence.
Your classmates will know if you show up recovering from a high or hungover, naturally. But you want to know who else knows? PROFESSOR. I've had this conversation with one of mine before, confirming he could see the hungover or stoned eyes peering back. If you don't care that they see you this way, then fine....but I guess I personally would, especially considering how I've had a few of my professors write recommendations for me. And it's not like they don't talk...
8. Actually get to know your professors.
This is crucial. If you go to a university where your professors are accessible, take full advantage. For me, a huge part of my undergraduate experience was meeting my professors and building connections with them as people. This comes well into play if you ever need a reference, or just someone to talk to when life gets stressful. Also, if you're struggling with something and you actively seek help from them, it says something. I like to think that my effort has put me at a higher grade than anticipated a few times before. I am very lucky that the university I will return to for my MA is filled with professors who earnestly care about their students. If I get a less than stellar grade, sometimes I'll get a "see me for further explanation" on the assignment. I've even had days where I was ill and had a professor ask me if I was alright.
If you engage them, they will engage you. Act like you care, and so will they. If you just go in and out of class, take so-so grades and go, then they won't know you (and they'll possibly forget you). If you're fine with a D, so are they. They won't hunt you down if you are performing poorly, but if they know you're trying but struggling there is some stock in that.
9. Just because you're away from mom doesn't mean you should eat all the junk food you want.
The freshman fifteen is a think. As is the sophomore fifteen, the junior fifteen, and the senior fifteen. All together that's sixty pounds. SIXTY. This seems dramatic, but it does happen. While it's not a bad thing to eat at the cheap Mexican restaurant now and then, you should include healthy options in their too. The dining hall has enough variety that you can make good choices.
Also, most universities have a gym, and access is in your tuition (so, basically it's free). I'm not saying you should become a bunny food eating gym rat, but college is a decent time to learn about making healthy choices. Plus, if I have a ten page paper to write, I feel a little better while I'm doing it if I ate healthy and exercised that day...there's a lot of ass-sitting time in college so it's good to move around a little bit.
10. Beware the alcohol.
No one (I'd hope) is naïve enough to think that drinking doesn't happen 24/7 on college campuses. Whether it's a dry campus or not, it's happening somewhere if you really want to find it. I honestly wouldn't encourage drinking underage--it's overrated. I see the point, and as someone who did it, I truly believe it was only exciting because I wasn't allowed. Having said that, you don't want to get busted drinking underage, or doing anything irresponsible with booze because that can haunt you.
11. When you do go places to drink, bring friends.
Don't go to the bar alone. Don't go to a party alone. Bring a buddy or three and watch each other's back. This isn't specifically for the ladies either (but unfortunately, within rape culture we are the ones targeted a bit more when we drink too much). Bad things can happen to anybody if they overdo it or go somewhere alone.
12. Don't black out.
Everyone who drinks will probably experience some bad situations where they drink too much, throw up, whatever. Learn your lesson and know your limits. The times I've thrown up involved bad mixtures of things. Last Halloween, I went to a party and I didn't eat much beforehand. I hand vodka, jungle juice, wine, shots, and I believe I smoked a cigarette. If you aren't used to smoking, you will puke. Guess who puked? Guess who was the hot mess crying drunk?
And beware too many Long Islands. I've learned if I'm going to be drinking, it's better for me to stick to one type of liquor for the evening...especially if shots end up happening.
13. How to cure a hangover.
Gatorade, non-diet sugary soda, and something carby. And some asprin. Sleep helps too, but if you can't sleep it off you've got your survival guide. You're welcome.
14. Actually study for tests.
Now that I've given you some alcohol advice, back to the books. College requires studying. Lots of it. Unlike high school you don't have as many opportunities for redemption if you screw something up. In one of my classes we only had participation and four tests. FOUR. In another we had our participation, daily quizzes, a test, an in-class essay, one paper, and the final exam. That's all we got.
15. If the professor offers extra credit, DO IT.
Extra credit in college is like a unicorn, so when the opportunity presents itself you'd better go for it! Even if you don't need it, better to be safe than sorry, and it might show the professor you care a bit. In my experience, when it's offered it usually involves attending an event on campus and writing something about it--which is easy, and often it's interesting.
16. Get involved.
If I could redo anything in my undergrad, maybe I would have joined in some organizations around campus as a way to meet more people and gain other opportunities.
17. Significant others aren't the most important thing ever.
Don't get pre-occupied with the dating stuff. If it happens, let it happen. It's college, not Noah's Ark. You don't need to pair off. It's not the most important thing on earth, even if it seems like it is.
1. Get over yourself.
If you come into college unwilling to be open and meet new, different people then you'll never make friends. In my experience, people generally don't care that much about if you're "preppy" or "metal." Yes, some still do. However, most people in college have the "we're in it together" mentality and will make friends with just about anybody in their classes, or their roommate who is into anime when they don't know/care about it.
2. While you should be open to other people, you should still have standards.
It's good to make friends, but it's important to recognize when those friends are toxic. If they make you compromise yourself or make you feel bad about being the way you are, ditch them. Don't invest in that person, or the one who guilts you into a frat party when you've got a midterm to study for. Be open, but pay attention so you can realize when someone isn't good for you.
3. Actually go to class.
Yes, you do have to go to class. Unlike high school where they will e-mail and call your mommy to let her know if you're absent or tardy, it's on you to show up. Go. To. Class. Your college professors will not babysit you or call your mother if you blow off class or show up late. However, you still should go. Save your skipping days for when you actually are sick.
4. While we're on the subject of going to class, show up on time.
My university is small enough that if you blow off class, or arrive tardy, the professor will know because the door is right at the front of the classroom. Not only that, but they take attendance and factor it into your grade! Miss enough class and you fail. Seriously, the easiest part of a class is showing up on time. Sure accidents happen, and you'll be late, but if it's not a common reoccurrence they won't get that pissed with you.
Maybe it's just me, but to me, showing up on time says that you care about the class, and it shows some integrity. It's also just a form of respect to your classmates and your professor.
5. You actually have to do the assigned reading.
In college, reading is real homework. I'm not going to act like there were times in high school when I didn't read and still aced the work because I did. However, it doesn't work that way in college at all. Professors like to give quizzes, call on people at random, etc. They know when you haven't read. They aren't idiots, and they've probably skipped reading before too and they know the signs.
PS You'll actually enjoy class if did the reading because you'll know what's going on.
6. Don't take the "easy" classes for granted.
This is an important one. Just because it's an easy class for you it doesn't mean you should slack. Do the work and get an A. It's annoying to have a class that's easy for you and wind up with a B or C because you took it for granted. Seriously, don't get too cocky because it will end you. You don't want to wind up re-taking a class because you slacked through it because you thought it was "too easy."
7.Beware showing up to class under the influence.
Your classmates will know if you show up recovering from a high or hungover, naturally. But you want to know who else knows? PROFESSOR. I've had this conversation with one of mine before, confirming he could see the hungover or stoned eyes peering back. If you don't care that they see you this way, then fine....but I guess I personally would, especially considering how I've had a few of my professors write recommendations for me. And it's not like they don't talk...
8. Actually get to know your professors.
This is crucial. If you go to a university where your professors are accessible, take full advantage. For me, a huge part of my undergraduate experience was meeting my professors and building connections with them as people. This comes well into play if you ever need a reference, or just someone to talk to when life gets stressful. Also, if you're struggling with something and you actively seek help from them, it says something. I like to think that my effort has put me at a higher grade than anticipated a few times before. I am very lucky that the university I will return to for my MA is filled with professors who earnestly care about their students. If I get a less than stellar grade, sometimes I'll get a "see me for further explanation" on the assignment. I've even had days where I was ill and had a professor ask me if I was alright.
If you engage them, they will engage you. Act like you care, and so will they. If you just go in and out of class, take so-so grades and go, then they won't know you (and they'll possibly forget you). If you're fine with a D, so are they. They won't hunt you down if you are performing poorly, but if they know you're trying but struggling there is some stock in that.
9. Just because you're away from mom doesn't mean you should eat all the junk food you want.
The freshman fifteen is a think. As is the sophomore fifteen, the junior fifteen, and the senior fifteen. All together that's sixty pounds. SIXTY. This seems dramatic, but it does happen. While it's not a bad thing to eat at the cheap Mexican restaurant now and then, you should include healthy options in their too. The dining hall has enough variety that you can make good choices.
Also, most universities have a gym, and access is in your tuition (so, basically it's free). I'm not saying you should become a bunny food eating gym rat, but college is a decent time to learn about making healthy choices. Plus, if I have a ten page paper to write, I feel a little better while I'm doing it if I ate healthy and exercised that day...there's a lot of ass-sitting time in college so it's good to move around a little bit.
10. Beware the alcohol.
No one (I'd hope) is naïve enough to think that drinking doesn't happen 24/7 on college campuses. Whether it's a dry campus or not, it's happening somewhere if you really want to find it. I honestly wouldn't encourage drinking underage--it's overrated. I see the point, and as someone who did it, I truly believe it was only exciting because I wasn't allowed. Having said that, you don't want to get busted drinking underage, or doing anything irresponsible with booze because that can haunt you.
11. When you do go places to drink, bring friends.
Don't go to the bar alone. Don't go to a party alone. Bring a buddy or three and watch each other's back. This isn't specifically for the ladies either (but unfortunately, within rape culture we are the ones targeted a bit more when we drink too much). Bad things can happen to anybody if they overdo it or go somewhere alone.
12. Don't black out.
Everyone who drinks will probably experience some bad situations where they drink too much, throw up, whatever. Learn your lesson and know your limits. The times I've thrown up involved bad mixtures of things. Last Halloween, I went to a party and I didn't eat much beforehand. I hand vodka, jungle juice, wine, shots, and I believe I smoked a cigarette. If you aren't used to smoking, you will puke. Guess who puked? Guess who was the hot mess crying drunk?
And beware too many Long Islands. I've learned if I'm going to be drinking, it's better for me to stick to one type of liquor for the evening...especially if shots end up happening.
13. How to cure a hangover.
Gatorade, non-diet sugary soda, and something carby. And some asprin. Sleep helps too, but if you can't sleep it off you've got your survival guide. You're welcome.
14. Actually study for tests.
Now that I've given you some alcohol advice, back to the books. College requires studying. Lots of it. Unlike high school you don't have as many opportunities for redemption if you screw something up. In one of my classes we only had participation and four tests. FOUR. In another we had our participation, daily quizzes, a test, an in-class essay, one paper, and the final exam. That's all we got.
15. If the professor offers extra credit, DO IT.
Extra credit in college is like a unicorn, so when the opportunity presents itself you'd better go for it! Even if you don't need it, better to be safe than sorry, and it might show the professor you care a bit. In my experience, when it's offered it usually involves attending an event on campus and writing something about it--which is easy, and often it's interesting.
16. Get involved.
If I could redo anything in my undergrad, maybe I would have joined in some organizations around campus as a way to meet more people and gain other opportunities.
17. Significant others aren't the most important thing ever.
Don't get pre-occupied with the dating stuff. If it happens, let it happen. It's college, not Noah's Ark. You don't need to pair off. It's not the most important thing on earth, even if it seems like it is.
Body-Con
Working retail, or any form of customer service, is difficult without a question. You have to be patient and respectful even when the people you are paid to be polite to are rude and disrespectful. The hours are long, you don't have weekends, you stand all day, you're not making much money, yet you bust your bum working really hard. I truly think the people who disrespect or complain about customer service employees have never worked in our position. Granted, there are times when we do suck at our job, and there are people out there who have zero business in a field that involves being nice to people. People like myself though are trying quite hard, and I would never intentionally offend someone.
Ok, that is a tangent beyond the point of this post.
I think one of the most challenging aspects of working in a clothing store is when customers are insecure about their bodies. I work in a women's fashion store, and you learn really quickly that when your mom told you that once you got past your insecure teenager phase, you'd begin to feel better about your body--well, she was lying. Lying might be the wrong word, and sure some people surely do grow out of it, but it's amazing, and sad, how many women still hold onto these insecurities. I have helped women my age, their thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, tall, petite, pregnant, athletic, etc. and the self-consciousness is ceaseless. It's tragic how society pressures every single woman to look and feel a certain way about their body.
The sometimes difficult part is when I have to build up a customer's confidence. I will do it willingly because I think people deserve to have clothing that makes them feel comfortable and like themselves, and I dislike when women feel as if they cannot buy clothes because of something they dislike about their body. There's a body dysmorphia epidemic going on so it seems.
Ok, that is a tangent beyond the point of this post.
I think one of the most challenging aspects of working in a clothing store is when customers are insecure about their bodies. I work in a women's fashion store, and you learn really quickly that when your mom told you that once you got past your insecure teenager phase, you'd begin to feel better about your body--well, she was lying. Lying might be the wrong word, and sure some people surely do grow out of it, but it's amazing, and sad, how many women still hold onto these insecurities. I have helped women my age, their thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, tall, petite, pregnant, athletic, etc. and the self-consciousness is ceaseless. It's tragic how society pressures every single woman to look and feel a certain way about their body.
The sometimes difficult part is when I have to build up a customer's confidence. I will do it willingly because I think people deserve to have clothing that makes them feel comfortable and like themselves, and I dislike when women feel as if they cannot buy clothes because of something they dislike about their body. There's a body dysmorphia epidemic going on so it seems.
Sometimes I feel like a fraud when I'm trying to uplift my customers when I'm as self conscious as I am about my body. I'm constantly pinching fat on my back and stomach (yet I can feel my ribs pretty easily). I'm self conscious about the paleness of my legs, as well as my stretch marks and cellulite. Sometimes I'm insecure about my teeth, my breasts, my arms, thighs, etc. I pick myself apart.
Have I gotten better though? I think so. I actually like shopping for clothes because I know what makes me feel good about myself, and cuts that flatter me in a way that I like. My poochy stomach doesn't bother me everyday, and I do actually like having hips that contrast with my smaller waist. I feel better about myself, and it's a tremendous improvement from where I was as a teenager. I remember when I was at my worst, just obsessed with my body beyond belief. Pure anxiety. And I thought I wasn't worthy of anything because I hated how I looked (not good grades, friends, fun, happiness, boyfriends, etc.). I was a downright bastard to myself, and I still can be, but I do think I'm a little bit less intolerable.
It makes me a little sad meeting women who don't think they are allowed to wear pretty clothes, or who won't get a different size in order to get the right fit. If there's anything I've learned in all of the jobs I've worked that involve selling clothes it's that sizing really isn't significant. There isn't a standard involved. In my store alone, I wear anything from a size four to an eight, or an extra small or small. In other places, it's strictly a six, or nine, or medium. Whatever. It's irrelevant at this point, and you look thinner if your clothes actually fit.
And so we don't end on a sad note, here's a fashion tip from Amanda: it doesn't matter if you're a size two or a size twenty--if you wear undergarments that don't fit you correctly then you will have rolls and lumps when you put clothes over them. It's fact. Start with a smooth canvas, and undies that actually fit you then you're set! Easy enough, yes?
Thursday, April 24, 2014
I'm Sick of All of the Anti-Makeup Stuff On the Internet
I haven't posted in a long, long time. For personal reasons I care not to divulge, I have been MIA. But something has been on my mind a bit lately that's irritating and I felt the need to type about it.
I think it's great to encourage girls and women not to feel obligated to look a certain way. You don't have to wear makeup or fashionable clothing or have a skinny body in order to be a physically attractive person. Popular culture makes people think these ideals are what's right, and they're unfair, unrealistic expectations because a very small percentage of the populace looks like an underwear model (hell, even the Victoria's Secret models probably don't look that amazing once the makeup is off and the airbrushing is undone). However, annoyingly enough, no one can win! If you deny what is mainstream, some see you as authentic, and above it all, while others will find something negative about you lack of conformity. Then if you do wear makeup, or have the proposed "perfect" body, people will fawn over your beauty or ostracize you for it and assume you're vapid and narcissistic.
We just cannot let other people be.
I find it really annoying how looks/brains are mutually exclusive in people's minds. Sorry, but just because I wear dresses and makeup it doesn't mean that I'm lacking intelligence. My mother's mom wore makeup. My mom wears it. My older sister is a makeup artist! I wear makeup but don't assume that because I work some black liquid liner and red lips that I will not school you on Oscar Wilde's Soul of Man Under Socialism possibly give you verbal whiplash in the process. In the same vein, I know many women, be it my friends, family, or college professors who don't care for makeup. Some of them are really smart, others aren't, and many are beautiful all the same.
I don't really understand why we consider women brave who post a picture of themselves without makeup. It's still them, and why is it shocking to anyone that a woman can look great without it? You don't wear makeup. So what? I wear makeup. Yet again, so what?
There's nothing wrong with putting your best self forward, regardless of what you think that is. If it involves makeup and hair dye, super. If it doesn't, that's fine too. I'm tired of this idea that you should only focus on your personality and mind. Don't get me wrong, you should WANT to be smart and well rounded. But why do we assume that intelligence and personality are in an opposing binary to physical looks?
For me, personally, I like to strive for a balance of both because I feel more confident as a person. If I take the time to put on clothes I like, do my makeup, exercise, etc, I feel better. I'm not going to act like I am not insecure, and that I like makeup because it helps me to hide acne, eye luggage, and acne scars. However, I like to read. I enjoyed researching papers in undergrad--smart people stuff I suppose. I enjoy the occasional uppity foreign film, whatever. Oh yeah, and then I turn around and laugh at/make a joke about bodily fluids. If I ever have a daughter, I will absolutely encourage her to take care of herself in mind, body, and soul. If she'd like a lesson in liquid eyeliner, I'll surely help her but she'll know (of course) that she doesn't have to wear it if she doesn't want it. And, naturally, her ability to dress nicely will not impact her ability to analyze Macbeth or to ace Calculus, or to just have a personality and be a well-cultivated individual--which is, yet again an objective concept.
I think it's great to encourage girls and women not to feel obligated to look a certain way. You don't have to wear makeup or fashionable clothing or have a skinny body in order to be a physically attractive person. Popular culture makes people think these ideals are what's right, and they're unfair, unrealistic expectations because a very small percentage of the populace looks like an underwear model (hell, even the Victoria's Secret models probably don't look that amazing once the makeup is off and the airbrushing is undone). However, annoyingly enough, no one can win! If you deny what is mainstream, some see you as authentic, and above it all, while others will find something negative about you lack of conformity. Then if you do wear makeup, or have the proposed "perfect" body, people will fawn over your beauty or ostracize you for it and assume you're vapid and narcissistic.
We just cannot let other people be.
I find it really annoying how looks/brains are mutually exclusive in people's minds. Sorry, but just because I wear dresses and makeup it doesn't mean that I'm lacking intelligence. My mother's mom wore makeup. My mom wears it. My older sister is a makeup artist! I wear makeup but don't assume that because I work some black liquid liner and red lips that I will not school you on Oscar Wilde's Soul of Man Under Socialism possibly give you verbal whiplash in the process. In the same vein, I know many women, be it my friends, family, or college professors who don't care for makeup. Some of them are really smart, others aren't, and many are beautiful all the same.
I don't really understand why we consider women brave who post a picture of themselves without makeup. It's still them, and why is it shocking to anyone that a woman can look great without it? You don't wear makeup. So what? I wear makeup. Yet again, so what?
There's nothing wrong with putting your best self forward, regardless of what you think that is. If it involves makeup and hair dye, super. If it doesn't, that's fine too. I'm tired of this idea that you should only focus on your personality and mind. Don't get me wrong, you should WANT to be smart and well rounded. But why do we assume that intelligence and personality are in an opposing binary to physical looks?
For me, personally, I like to strive for a balance of both because I feel more confident as a person. If I take the time to put on clothes I like, do my makeup, exercise, etc, I feel better. I'm not going to act like I am not insecure, and that I like makeup because it helps me to hide acne, eye luggage, and acne scars. However, I like to read. I enjoyed researching papers in undergrad--smart people stuff I suppose. I enjoy the occasional uppity foreign film, whatever. Oh yeah, and then I turn around and laugh at/make a joke about bodily fluids. If I ever have a daughter, I will absolutely encourage her to take care of herself in mind, body, and soul. If she'd like a lesson in liquid eyeliner, I'll surely help her but she'll know (of course) that she doesn't have to wear it if she doesn't want it. And, naturally, her ability to dress nicely will not impact her ability to analyze Macbeth or to ace Calculus, or to just have a personality and be a well-cultivated individual--which is, yet again an objective concept.
Friday, April 4, 2014
When it's Time to Call it Quits.
I don't know why I'm thinking about this right now, on a Friday night while I'm at home watching Frozen with my dog instead of out being a twenty-something with reckless abandon. I guess, in part, this has to do with the fact that I've never been reckless.
I think it's important to have friends. It's great to have people you can talk to, that are there for you, and that you can just have fun and grow up with. However, you don't keep all of the friends you make. I mean, think about the people you spent the most time with four years ago? Your elementary school friends? Junior high? High school? The beginning of college? The end of college? etc.
It's normal for people to drift away from each other, and it's not always because something bad happens! Sometimes people just change, or they don't need each other anymore. It happens and it's not because of anything malicious. I have friends I haven't seen in years, and friends I see infrequently, but when we do, we've hug and we're happy to see each other and to hear that one another's doing well.
Then you have the ones that are uglier. I distinctly remember a friend I'd had all through elementary school (first to fifth grade) who acted like I didn't exist by the end of sixth grade (when we went to middle school). I experienced several friends move on from me for their "cooler" social groups and it absolutely hurt. I remember seeing one of those girls a few years ago, and she walked past me as if I was a complete stranger. At the time it was sad, but now, as a 24 year old, I've moved on and made better friends. Also, I know how middle schoolers are completely vicious, and I'm not going to act like there weren't people I would sometimes not talk to because of that "mean girl" thing we all succumb to at some point in our teenage years.
You meet people it's clear you need to get away from because they aren't good friends. Be it because they lie to you, make you feel badly, bully you, pressure you, or just in general disrespect you as their friend. But sometimes it's hard to tell. I sometimes struggle with this. Do I keep someone around even though I've known them for a long time, yet sometimes they treat me poorly? I mean, we're all human. It happens. We all have bad days/phases. Is the time to call it quits really so black and white?
I like to think I try to be a good friend. I'm not perfect, and I wouldn't claim to be. I have moodiness, I have a strong preference for being right, and my insecurities sometimes make me feel afraid to talk to my friends or ask anything of them because I'm afraid of being annoying or a burden. However, I like to think my friends know I care about them. I hope they do...and if any of you are reading this: Hi. I care about you!
Something that really discourages me from people is when I feel like I'm the only one putting effort into it. Like any relationship, it should be a two way street, and it hurts like hell to be the person who cares more. And that's how I feel about a friendship I have now. I feel like I'm at their mercy and if I want to talk to them I have to talk first and maybe I'll get a text message response with one word in it. Then there will be times this friend will text me something random. I don't know. We don't talk on the phone or over Skype. We barely communicate on Facebook...actually we don't anymore. I used to at least get that. We aren't a lot of distance between one another, yet we never see each other. Nothing.
I feel odd typing this up on here, but it's been on my mind a bit lately. It's just really hard feeling like you're the only one trying to keep a friendship vital, and that you are the one who gives every damn to be given. It is just plain sad. I don't think friendships are suppose to make you feel bad or upset. Or neglected. One thing I've learned is that just because you've known someone for a long time it doesn't necessarily equate to a good relationship. I've made friends in the last few years who are amazing, supportive, and all around wonderful people that you'd think I've known forever. I also have friends I've kept for more than a decade who are fantastic. I'm definitely learning that longevity is not necessarily healthy or a good thing. You can have something for a long time you need to maybe consider moving on from.
Right now, I'm in a great place. I have friends/family and people around me who support my ambitions and want to see me do well and be happy. Hopefully, I'll be getting my MA this fall and I'll be on track to where I want to be. I'm getting better at driving. I've gotten a little more confident in myself be it for my own intellectual capabilities, as well as with my own appearance. I've done it without people I used to think I needed.
I think it's important to have friends. It's great to have people you can talk to, that are there for you, and that you can just have fun and grow up with. However, you don't keep all of the friends you make. I mean, think about the people you spent the most time with four years ago? Your elementary school friends? Junior high? High school? The beginning of college? The end of college? etc.
It's normal for people to drift away from each other, and it's not always because something bad happens! Sometimes people just change, or they don't need each other anymore. It happens and it's not because of anything malicious. I have friends I haven't seen in years, and friends I see infrequently, but when we do, we've hug and we're happy to see each other and to hear that one another's doing well.
Then you have the ones that are uglier. I distinctly remember a friend I'd had all through elementary school (first to fifth grade) who acted like I didn't exist by the end of sixth grade (when we went to middle school). I experienced several friends move on from me for their "cooler" social groups and it absolutely hurt. I remember seeing one of those girls a few years ago, and she walked past me as if I was a complete stranger. At the time it was sad, but now, as a 24 year old, I've moved on and made better friends. Also, I know how middle schoolers are completely vicious, and I'm not going to act like there weren't people I would sometimes not talk to because of that "mean girl" thing we all succumb to at some point in our teenage years.
You meet people it's clear you need to get away from because they aren't good friends. Be it because they lie to you, make you feel badly, bully you, pressure you, or just in general disrespect you as their friend. But sometimes it's hard to tell. I sometimes struggle with this. Do I keep someone around even though I've known them for a long time, yet sometimes they treat me poorly? I mean, we're all human. It happens. We all have bad days/phases. Is the time to call it quits really so black and white?
I like to think I try to be a good friend. I'm not perfect, and I wouldn't claim to be. I have moodiness, I have a strong preference for being right, and my insecurities sometimes make me feel afraid to talk to my friends or ask anything of them because I'm afraid of being annoying or a burden. However, I like to think my friends know I care about them. I hope they do...and if any of you are reading this: Hi. I care about you!
Something that really discourages me from people is when I feel like I'm the only one putting effort into it. Like any relationship, it should be a two way street, and it hurts like hell to be the person who cares more. And that's how I feel about a friendship I have now. I feel like I'm at their mercy and if I want to talk to them I have to talk first and maybe I'll get a text message response with one word in it. Then there will be times this friend will text me something random. I don't know. We don't talk on the phone or over Skype. We barely communicate on Facebook...actually we don't anymore. I used to at least get that. We aren't a lot of distance between one another, yet we never see each other. Nothing.
I feel odd typing this up on here, but it's been on my mind a bit lately. It's just really hard feeling like you're the only one trying to keep a friendship vital, and that you are the one who gives every damn to be given. It is just plain sad. I don't think friendships are suppose to make you feel bad or upset. Or neglected. One thing I've learned is that just because you've known someone for a long time it doesn't necessarily equate to a good relationship. I've made friends in the last few years who are amazing, supportive, and all around wonderful people that you'd think I've known forever. I also have friends I've kept for more than a decade who are fantastic. I'm definitely learning that longevity is not necessarily healthy or a good thing. You can have something for a long time you need to maybe consider moving on from.
Right now, I'm in a great place. I have friends/family and people around me who support my ambitions and want to see me do well and be happy. Hopefully, I'll be getting my MA this fall and I'll be on track to where I want to be. I'm getting better at driving. I've gotten a little more confident in myself be it for my own intellectual capabilities, as well as with my own appearance. I've done it without people I used to think I needed.
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