Body-Con

Working retail, or any form of customer service, is difficult without a question. You have to be patient and respectful even when the people you are paid to be polite to are rude and disrespectful. The hours are long, you don't have weekends, you stand all day, you're not making much money, yet you bust your bum working really hard. I truly think the people who disrespect or complain about customer service employees have never worked in our position. Granted, there are times when we do suck at our job, and there are people out there who have zero business in a field that involves being nice to people. People like myself though are trying quite hard, and I would never intentionally offend someone.

Ok, that is a tangent beyond the point of this post.

I think one of the most challenging aspects of working in a clothing store is when customers are insecure about their bodies. I work in a women's fashion store, and you learn really quickly that when your mom told you that once you got past your insecure teenager phase, you'd begin to feel better about your body--well, she was lying. Lying might be the wrong word, and sure some people surely do grow out of it, but it's amazing, and sad, how many women still hold onto these insecurities. I have helped women my age, their thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, tall, petite, pregnant, athletic, etc. and the self-consciousness is ceaseless. It's tragic how society pressures every single woman to look and feel a certain way about their body.

The sometimes difficult part is when I have to build up a customer's confidence. I will do it willingly because I think people deserve to have clothing that makes them feel comfortable and like themselves, and I dislike when women feel as if they cannot buy clothes because of something they dislike about their body. There's a body dysmorphia epidemic going on so it seems.

 

Sometimes I feel like a fraud when I'm trying to uplift my customers when I'm as self conscious as I am about my body. I'm constantly pinching fat on my back and stomach (yet I can feel my ribs pretty easily). I'm self conscious about the paleness of my legs, as well as my stretch marks and cellulite. Sometimes I'm insecure about my teeth, my breasts, my arms, thighs, etc.  I pick myself apart.

 

Have I gotten better though? I think so. I actually like shopping for clothes because I know what makes me feel good about myself, and cuts that flatter me in a way that I like. My poochy stomach doesn't bother me everyday, and I do actually like having hips that contrast with my smaller waist. I feel better about myself, and it's a tremendous improvement from where I was as a teenager. I remember when I was at my worst, just obsessed with my body beyond belief. Pure anxiety. And I thought I wasn't worthy of anything because I hated how I looked (not good grades, friends, fun, happiness, boyfriends, etc.). I was a downright bastard to myself, and I still can be, but I do think I'm a little bit less intolerable.

 

It makes me a little sad meeting women who don't think they are allowed to wear pretty clothes, or who won't get a different size in order to get the right fit. If there's anything I've learned in all of the jobs I've worked that involve selling clothes it's that sizing really isn't significant. There isn't a standard involved. In my store alone, I wear anything from a size four to an eight, or an extra small or small. In other places, it's strictly a six, or nine, or medium. Whatever. It's irrelevant at this point, and you look thinner if your clothes actually fit.

 

 

And so we don't end on a sad note, here's a fashion tip from Amanda: it doesn't matter if you're a size two or a size twenty--if you wear undergarments that don't fit you correctly then you will have rolls and lumps when you put clothes over them. It's fact. Start with a smooth canvas, and undies that actually fit you then you're set! Easy enough, yes?

Gym Bullies

I have been seeing a lot of posts, commercials, etc. about people feeling uncomfortable at the gym because of people being rude to them or because they are intimidated with all of the hard-bodied, spandex-clad gym patrons about.

We get it, lady.

 

They are beautiful, in great shape, and barely even look like they've been running for six miles on the treadmill. I don't get these majestic people who go to the gym and look more like an ad, as if they are just modeling gym attire and equipment. Personally, when I run, I look like I've been dying from cholera when I'm done.

 

I'm not going to lie about my personal disdain for the gym. Well, maybe disdain is too strong of a word. I would rather exercise at home. I like the privacy and lack of inhibition of going down to the basement of my parent's house and working out. I can take my time, and I don't need to worry about rushing because someone is waiting for me to hop off, or like I'm being judged. I just want to run on the treadmill, leave me be. And I rarely wear spandex. More often than not I run in the sweatpants and t-shirt I slept in the night before. The biggest plus, for me, in going to the gym is that I'm in and out. I'm much less likely to stop while I'm running/walking on the treadmill; I go for an hour, hop off, lift some weights, and get the hell out. I went to the gym at school because it's free. One of my reasons in not going is, frankly, I don't want to pay to use a treadmill at a gym when I've got one in my damn house that I may use whenever I want! It's almost midnight right now, and if I wanted to go down and run in my PJS I could do so within two seconds. I could do this now, at 3AM, 10AM, etc. Anytime is gym time, and I don't need to worry about the rush hours in which everyone and their mother is trying to find an elliptical.

 

Having said that, I get feeling self-conscious at the gym. I have certainly felt insecure at the gym because I'm not a hard body, and my stomach is puffy. I also do not have defined calf muscles, and my hips and thighs do not lie (although I think hips are awesome). Then there's the self consciousness about what I wear to the gym, and being in public without makeup. Yeah, I am a person who feels uncomfortable in public without makeup. However, there's now stigma about having makeup on your face at the gym. In fairness, there really isn't a point in putting a face of makeup on when you're going to sweat it off. Having said that, I will at least put some heavy duty spot foundation on my zits and acne scars.

 

It's a bit sad how exercising at the gym has become a judgmental activity. Be it because someone has makeup on, nice hair, or even a body void of a six pack. It's sad how mean people can be. Maybe we'd all be in better shape if worry about what other people do at the gym wasn't such a thing.

 

Let's just clear this up, gym bullies: the people you see that aren't perfectly muscular will never get in shape if they don't work out! Instead of calling them fat, encourage them for being proactive. We should be happy for people trying to better themselves and get healthier considering how many people die because of health-related complications obesity or sedentary lifestyles can provoke. Also, not everyone who goes to the gym who looks perfect started off that way. We all have to start somewhere.



The "Average" Barbie

I've heard of people campaigning for Barbie dolls that look "normal" or like "real women" for ages. The most recent one, is this doll, and the creator is actually on his way to getting them manufactured. Personally, I think the dolls are very pretty, and if I were a little girl I'd love to play with them. However, whenever these types of things come up I get a little confused. There's no denying my own personal issues with my physical appearance, and that I started being insecure when I was very young. However, I don't think I'd blame my Barbie. I don't think I would blame any of my dolls. Honestly, I cannot pin point where my self-consciousness about my body engendered itself, but I don't think I would blame my dollies because they made me so happy as a child and I would spend the ENTIRE day, sun up to sun down, playing with them. I had a pretty good understanding of the fact that they were DOLLS, not real people, and not modeled to look real. Dolls are rooted in fantasy, in imaginative play; of course they aren't going to look "real."

Then I find annoyance in the concept of the "real woman." I hate the term "real woman." Not everyone looks like this "Normal Barbie" and they shouldn't be shamed for it. Some people are shorter, taller, thinner, fatter, etc. There are people out there with bodies that look more like the long legged, buxom Barbie (sans chronic tippy toes). Placing a standard on what is normal is just as dangerous as the "thin is in" standards of our media today.

If we really want to create dolls that represent "real women" then they need to come in every shape and size combination under the sun (as well as skin colors, hair, eyes, and even things like cellulite, muscle tone, and veins will need to be brought in). I appreciate the efforts for positive body acceptance because not all young girls understand that fantasy element of dolls, or even that the media's interpretation of beauty is flawed (seriously, if we were given the list of people it took to make an actress look as she does our minds would probably be blown). However, I don't think we should use words like "real" or "normal" because it still others different bodies. It isn't really fair to shame a tall and skinny girl, but it also isn't fair to shame a short girl with an average body weight, or an average heighted girl who is considered overweight. In fairness, I think people and our media are much more cruel to average or overweight women, but it's not exactly right to be hateful to someone for having a different body than you, regardless of how "good" or "bad" you find their body to be.

I've surely said it before, but I'll say it again: We need to stop obsessing about how big or small someone's body is, and think more about being healthy. Eat what's good for you, enjoy the not so healthy stuff in moderation (I think it's impossible to just outlaw cake from your life), exercise now and then, and do things like listen to music or read books that just make your brain happy. If you're brain is happy, you'll feel a bit better, and actually want to take care of your body.

*drops mic*

More thoughts on Weight

I don't know why this blog has had so many entries thus far dedicated to exercise/weight/health, but that's just what's on my mind, as well I'm seeing a lot of posts about it on the internet lately.

I think it's pretty safe to say that our culture is quite obsessed with body image.  We tell people that being "thin" is beautiful, yet if someone is too thin they we assume they have a disorder.  Even if someone is a healthy thin they are scrutinized (oftentimes out of envy, frankly).  On the flipside, women who aren't thinny thin are pegged "real women," "plus sized," "fat," "unhealthy," "obese," etc.  Point being that regardless of what type of body a woman has she cannot win!  Want to know how many conversations I've had, texts I've gotten, that were about a woman's body? A lot.  You know, "oh my god, she got HUGE," or "oh my god she got so skinny she looks like a skeleton." 

I absolutely think we need to learn to be respectful to all types of bodies.  HOWEVER, what we really need to do is embrace health.  While we shouldn't shame people for being over/underweight, we need to encourage healthiness.  Now, I don't think we should all run around telling people who are obese to work out.  It's really not my business what people do with their bodies and how they eat (or don't).  I do think our media could change with this one, and start promoting healthiness, regardless of size, to the public.  Take an actress like Jennifer Lawrence.  She is, in my opinion, a THIN girl. I remember being very disturbed when George on The Fashion Police described her as "bigger" than other actresses during an episode.  Seriously, you've got to be kidding me.  To me, Jennifer Lawrence looks like a healthy woman.  She's not emaciated by any means, but she's skinny by my own standards.

People should be encouraged to want to love their bodies and take good care of them, and you can weigh quite a few weights in order to do that.  The better care you take, the better you feel, and it's also just freaking good for your health.  Who wouldn't want to live longer? I think it would kind of suck to die prematurely because I didn't take care of myself. I also just feel better if I try to eat healthy and care for myself.  If I spend all day being inactive and eating potato chips, I don't feel as well.  However, if I exercise a little, and eat decently, I am much more comfortable.

This is complicated to write about because I don't think it's fair to shame or disgrace anyone for their body.  I think we do need to encourage healthy living though, regardless of what weight that puts you at.  It is much easier said than done, I know this from firsthand experience.  When you hate how you look you aren't going to feel motivated to eat better or take a little walk.

Weighty Dialogue.

Whenever I tell people that I used to be 30-40lbs heavier, they tend not to believe me.  And people who knew me wonder how I did it. I've ALWAYS struggled with weight and acceptance of my appearance.  I remember being ten, looking at my stomach in the mirror, and making it go in and out.  I wasn't an overweight child, but of course, I thought I was fat.  I started working out when I was thirteen, and I was very healthy about it.  I started with a few minutes on an elliptical a day, and gradually building up.  Eventually, I took it out of control around age fifteen-sixteen.  I'd work out too much, not eat enough or over eat. As I mentioned, at one point I lost my period because I wasn't very healthy about the way I tried to lose.  Depression set in, as well as anxiety, and I began to gain a lot of weight.  When I began 10th grade, I was in the 120s, when I ended it I was around the 160s.  By the time I was eighteen, I got into the 170s (sidenote: I'm not offering these numbers as a way to shame any weight, but rather so you can see the drastic change in size I went through).

Here's a picture of me in 2007, followed by 2008:

(I tried to crop people of images because I don't want to post other people's faces without consent. I know, I'm making a distorted face in the second, it was the picture I could find)

 

And here's me in Fall 2013:

 

In this picture, I am roughly 135lbs.  I lost weight my final semester at school from walking everywhere, eating healthy(ish), and stress unfortunately. Spring 2013 was a little rough patch, and I got into the habit of sometimes not eating.

 

 

One question I get often is how I did it. Truthfully, I barely tried.  Even when I was bigger, I exercised, and I lost at least ten pounds during the summer after I graduated high school, and began community college. Working in retail means you'll be standing up all day, and I've done shifts anything from 3-8 hours of standing and walking around the store all day.  I give a lot of credit to the jobs I kept, and adopting this nugget in February 2009:

 

(This is my Toby as a wee lad)

 

I would walk him a lot.  Anything from 1-3x a day. He has tons of energy to this day, and those walks did him a lot of favors.  So if you have a dog, or your neighbor, mother, cousin, whomever, walk them! It's a nice break from the tedium of exercise machines, and I hate the process of exercising a lot less.  I like to run on the treadmill, but there are days when I really freaking hate it because it's boring, I can't get into my music, or nothings on TV, etc. However, I always feel better after doing it.  I'm not saying everyone should run out and get a retail job to help lose weight, or adopt a dog, but that's what helped me at lot at first.  I now try to run at least three times a week, and I go by the calorie. 

 

As far as food goes, I don't believe in "diets." I think they are rubbish, and they set you up to fail because OH MY GOD IF YOU EAT BREAD! Diet over.  I think Dr. Phil is obnoxious, but he talks about losing weight and keeping it off as a lifestyle change, and I couldn't agree more.  If you like pizza and soda it's not realistic to say you'll never have either of those things again, but it is realistic to limit how often you do.  Diet Soda is bad for you anyway (it's worse than regular soda), and I love regular, all calories in Coca-Cola. Delicious.  I'm not a calorie counter, but I try to keep in mind the calorie count of the food and drink I have a lot of.  I'm also a big fan of tea (without the corn syrup) and the flavor packs you can add to water.  I drink the lower calorie Gatorade as well.  I'm a fiend for RedBull which I really should completely cut out of my diet, but I get it sugar free.

 

At university, I probably had salad almost every day, but if I wanted pizza I had my pizza!  If I wanted nachos, I had them. I tried not to keep a lot of junk food in my apartment because I'd eat it all in one weekend if I did. I'm also a big fan of eating the healthy cereal.  That's right guys, get rid of the kind that comes with a toy or marsh mellows. When my mom makes dinner she always has salad or some vegetable, and I'll take one or both (usually).  I eat fast food, but I don't do it a lot because not only does the price for all of those little meals add up, but it is terrible for you (even the salads are bad).  When I do get it, or go to the movies and get snacks, I don't feel guilty because I don't eat that way all the time.  That's really the trick, guys. For me at least.

 

I don't read diet books, but now and then I will scan health websites for ideas and tips.  Do that, and find things that work for you.  Find foods you might like, exercises, etc.  Don't get obsessed because you'll become crazy and intolerable to everyone because no one gives a shit about your bunny food diet. 

 

I would also suggest taking your time, and trying not to set obnoxious goals like, "I won't drink Mountain Dew for a year," or "I'm going to lose ten pounds a month."  Relax.  I think I lost the weight I did because I didn't set out to lose it.  Plus, it's proven that if you lose it gradually, you will be more likely to keep it off.  Also think of it as just trying to be healthy.  Exercise is a necessary evil because our bodies need it to be healthy, and if you really need to eat at 2AM, think about it...would an apple or potato chips be better?  I personally have this problem because I love eating horrible things late at night, and it sits on the pooch of my stomach in a really awesome way when I wake up the next day.

 

So there it is.  I'm not a healthcare professional, but this is what works for me. I'm not a skinny Minnie with boney hips and flat stomach, but I really cannot complain too much considering how much I've lost in the last few years.



 

I'm a Clothes Horse

One of my personal goals for myself is to be a little more frugal with my money, and to spend it less on pricey clothing.  Everyone who knows me knows quite well that I absolutely live on ModCloth. I love their clothing because it's so unique, yet comfortable.  I very rarely have quality issues, their support teams are great and very helpful, and their information about sizing is nearly flawless.  Shopping online is always risky because you cannot try the garment on in the store, but ModCloth actually tells you if you need to size up or down in whatever shoes or clothing you're purchasing.  While some of their clothing can be a bit pricey, you can find moderately priced items, and when they have a sale, they really have a sale.

I figured because I'm often asked about where my clothes come from that here and there I will post pictures of some of my attire so you may know just where it came from!  For example, my ENTIRE outfit on Christmas is brought to you from ModCloth.

 

The dress, and the sweater came from their domain.  I don't know if the dress is still available, but the sweater is, and it comes in millions of colors. Super comfy and a great investment because they aren't super heavy.  You cannot see my necklace well, but it came from Charming Charlie some time ago, and I was wearing these shoes. Super comfy.

 

If I wear anything particularly remarkable, I'll make effort to share it. However, the picture will likely be terrible, and a self-portrait.  I'm not going to make people take pictures for me! I'll be back to retail soon, and my job requires you to wear whatever color you want as long as it's solid black.  Unfortunately, my rainbow of clothes won't get to come about at this job...but I still manage to make some spiffy outfits.  I am going to make an earnest effort not to spend money like a fiend (ahem, loans).  Do I wish I had been less frivolous with my money at times? Yes. If I were better at saving over the years, I probably would have a decent amount saved to start paying off loans now! However, when I was eighteen, had you told me the direction my life would take...I probably would've thought you were Bedlam-bound.

 

Also, the fact that I actually began to feel good in clothes...that's a pretty profound deal right there.  I have always been self-conscious about my appearance.  I very rarely felt pretty growing up, and I thought I was fat.  In high school, I became crazy about exercising and eating healthy. I would starve myself, and if I over-ate or skipped a day of exercising, I would make my workouts two or three hours longer.  I also stopped getting a period for a while...which should have been a sign. At my thinnest, I hit 124lbs at the beginning of my sophomore year...pretty damn skinny by my standards! Then because of anxiety and depression, I wound up gaining weight because I would overeat and I felt bad about myself.  I ended 10th grade around 160lbs...which really isn't that big, but when you gain a significant amount of weight in a short amount of time, AND you're an insecure teenage girl...that weight was hard to handle.

 

When I graduated high school, I was near 175lbs. I generally hated clothes because I didn't feel good about my appearance.  I always have had a little flare for fashion so I managed to find things and make it work, but it could be really hard.  During my first semester of community college, in Fall 2008, I started working my first retail job.  By the end of 2009, I was in my second retail stint, and also in the 140lb range. The day I zipped up a medium dress perfectly made me feel so good.  I didn't change my eating habits too terribly, but standing on my feet for 3-6 hours a few times a week I reckon contributed to my weight loss.

 

I managed to keep the weight off for several years, and sometimes I'd fluctuate a little, but my clothes always fit.  When I went away to Longwood, I didn't gain weight at all. I actually lost a little during my last semester because of healthy eating, and unfortunately because of stress.

 

I don't know how this manifested into a weight post, but alas. My big point is, I think that my clothes-loving ways are a reflection of my getting more comfortable with my body. Not only that, but finding clothes that I feel great wearing.  In my opinion, if a dress makes you feel great, then it's worth a little splurge. However, I will definitely be embracing what I already have.

 

So yes, posts about body/weight will be coming, as well as clothing.